Mentoring Your Mission

by Kevin

This week’s guest post comes from Dakota Enriquez. I have had the opportunity to know Dakota for about four years. Dakota graduated with a finance degree but felt his true calling was outside of finance. Making transitions in your professional life can be intimidating, but starting a brand new career outside of your degree is downright scary. His perseverance, determination , and ambition are truly inspiring. Dakota never stopped searching for his passion and landed a career that is most satisfying to him...

by Dakota

I was a fresh graduate right out of college when I realized in the “real world” life isn’t handed to you on a silver platter. I struggled for months just trying to land a job. I had decent work experience. I worked in admissions - an office workplace, a youth internship at a decent size youth group - leadership and teaching, and on top of it all I had a degree, right? What more do they want? Well I also learned another valuable lesson; one that supersedes the first. I learned that determination mixed with hard work and knowing your target, you can just about achieve anything in due time.

At long last with months of countless applications and rejections, I landed my first career job in banking. Man it felt great! I couldn't wait to get started. I was going to be a banker and do great things. Plus make tons of money! Well, I probably made it about one year til I realized this is not the career for me. Some people love to sell and are really good at it. But not me. I needed something more. Something that was going to feed my desire to help others. Something where I could really give it my all because my heart was into it. But what?

Firefighting. Who didn’t dress up as a firefighter for Halloween as a kid? I remember back when I lived in CA, the local Fire Department was doing something with the news at a grocery parking lot. Who knows what and who cares. There was nothing that could stop my 7 year old self from grabbing my mother’s hand and dragging her to go check it out. My memory of that day is a little fuzzy but what I do remember is how cool it was to meet a real live firefighter in person. I was basically talking to Batman himself. I remembered they were showing off the ladder truck and all the tools and gadgets on it. I was living my best life that day.

Fast forward, it was my junior year of high school when I had my next encounter with the Fire Department. My family and I now lived in Washington State, in a suburb of Seattle. My mother suggested that I should do a ride along at the local fire station. To see if this is something worth pursuing after graduating. Now, I’m not going to sugar coat it. This was not a good experience. Practical, maybe, but not what an aspiring fire fighting kiddo like me was expecting. They set me up on the ambulance and said something like if you want to be a firefighter you’ll have to learn the EMS side of things. I made a bunch of anticlimactic calls and didn’t even get to set foot in the fire truck. I went home disappointed and complained to my mom. She didn’t take their side or my own. She was just proud I stuck my neck out there and gave it a try. 

Well like I said in the beginning I went off to college, putting a pause on the firefighting dream. But I didn’t give up. Freshman year, I was introduced to a local firefighter in the OKC area. While talking to him my passion was reignited. I’ll never forget his words of wisdom. Words that would pathe my future. He said,”You’re doing it right kid. Get your degree, fall in love and settle down somewhere. Then at that point start looking into firefighting.” So that’s what I did. I graduated with a finance degree, I married my beautiful wife Kelcy, and we decided to stay put in good ole Oklahoma. 

Yeah ok. Maybe you noticed I didn’t exactly go right into firefighting right after graduating. I guess I want to see if I could put my finance degree to work. I’m glad I tried because now I know that it wasn’t for me. 

After that first year of realizing I wanted something more. I went back to my original passion. The work hero’s did, firefighting. My wife knew the wife of a fireman and I reached out to meet him. We ended up going on a double date and had fun and also talked about firefighting. Again I could feel the passion inside me getting more excited as we discussed what my next steps were. I was both feet all in! The timing was right. It felt right. This was going to happen.

 I signed up for night classes to get my EMT certification. After that I continued to take more fire fighting classes like my paramedic certification for two reasons: One, to keep myself in the fire network loop and two, to improve my resume over the next guy. I was applying everywhere in the cities near me. It was a familiar dance that I was better ready for this go around. Keep in mind, I was still working my day job at the bank.  

Finally OKC was hiring again. I threw my name into the hat and prayed for the best. Their hiring process was no joke. It consisted of over 2,000 applicants fighting for only 50 spots. This process took about 12 months and had various stages such as a written test, physical test, panel interview, polygraph and lastly a chief’s interview. It was an emotional rollercoaster, with the further you go the higher the fall. My anxiety was through the roof. So thank the Lord I got the job! 

There you go! A chapter ripped out of my life. I can say with confidence that the grass is definitely greener on the other side but there’s still more challenges to overcome. I’m still learning and hopefully growing. I hope you can take my testimony and learn a thing or two. 

Teachable moments:

• Network like your dream career depends on it. 
• Find a goal worth pursuing and don’t let up until you achieve it. 
• Determination and hard work will almost always get the job done… over time. 
• Don’t be afraid to fail if it means discovering your passions in life. 

by Kevin

Achieving success is lonely when you aren’t involving and giving to other people. The best way to involve other people is to serve other people. There are two ways to serve others--giving your time and giving your money. Those are two things we like to hold on to too tightly, but holding on doesn’t allow others in and leaves you missing out. 

I have found that the most meaningful and fulfilling activities, relationships, and purpose have come through my involvement in the community. If you aren’t actively engaging in your community, you are missing out on your potential! We need a reason for getting up in the morning, and there is no better reason than serving your community.

There are many ways you can serve your community. If you are part of a religious organization that gathers in a fellowship setting, that is the easiest and most obvious way to get involved. A common mission statement among many religious organizations is to build relationships and serve the surrounding community. If you feel good about the leadership of your organization, why not get involved? However, there are many other ways to get involved with the people who surround you. United Way is one of my favorite organizations. Perhaps I can only speak locally from OKC, but it is a well-managed and fruitful organization worth your time and money. Other organizations that I’ve seen young professionals engage with are as follows: Chamber of Commerce, Young Professionals Network, their Alma mater (always good connections to be made there...don’t forget about it), Big Brother Big Sisters, Coaching, mentoring, Humane Society, etc). There are so many organizations that need your assistance!

You don’t need to have accomplished all of your goals before you begin to serve your community...get involved today! Perhaps you don’t have the time yet, so start with your money. As I have heard before, your heart goes where your money goes, so start investing in your community!

by Adam

I’ve had the opportunity to be involved with a couple different non-profits over the early stage of my career.  If you’re a high achiever, you’re probably thinking: “How in the world am I supposed to make time for that?  I’m barely scraping by as it is!”

But, on the “making time” front, I’ll offer you an analogy that holds true for me (and may for you too!).  Community involvement is a lot like going to the gym.  It’s easy to tell yourself you’re “too busy” or you’ll tackle it “another time.”  It’s also easy to rationalize that, missing a couple opportunities to engage in the activity won’t be the worst thing in the world.  You have your whole life ahead of you!  Plenty of time.

Fair enough!  There are some periods of my life that have been genuinely busier than others, where putting one more thing on my plate just wasn’t an option.  But, at the same time, it’s easy to keep talking yourself into that mindset, look back later, and realize its a part of your life that has been severely neglected.

On the flip side: as Kevin said, there are huge benefits!  But they’re more than surface level deep.  Just like you can’t become a world-class athlete by throwing some weights around in the gym in the first week in January every year, you can’t really accrue the benefits of community involvement by treating it like a “check the box” activity.  At some point, you just have to dive in!

On the monetary side, the same rules apply.  It can be hard to, on a one time basis, mentally sacrifice something you want (a vacation, a fancy new thing, etc.) for charitable giving.  So, plan ahead!  Make giving a regular part of your household budget. Don’t set yourself up to make each decision to give a somber, sacrificial, excruciating battle of will power!

So, what are you waiting for?  Get involved!

by Adam

This is our 9th post in our series on The Office.  We’ve covered a lot of ground.  Specifically, we’ve talked about both operating within your Strength Zone.

In Episode 9, Season 9 (“Dwight Christmas"), we see one quality inside Jim’s Strength Zone intersect with another topic in an important way.

But before we get to the dialogue, let me briefly step up onto my soapbox:

Let’s talk more about reputation.  Specifically, about your professional reputation.  We touched on the edge of this concept in a previous post, but it’s time to elaborate a bit more.

To tee this up for us, let’s revisit two statements from Kevin:

“When I was beginning my career in public accounting, I wanted to find a path to launch my career. I could quickly see that just trying to be the best auditor was not going to be my best strategy to be unique--or stand out. There were too many people that were more technical, willing to work more hours, and didn’t mind traveling. However, I took some time to focus on my own strengths at that time.”

“Warren Buffett once said that it takes 20 years to build a reputation and 5 minutes to ruin it. Not that you need a dimwit like me to support an opinion from the great Mr. Buffett, but he is so right...once again!”

-Kevin from our post "Warning: You’ve Got a Reputation"

Therein lie two very important ideas.  

First, what constitutes a “good” reputation will be unique to you.  Said differently, if you ask someone “what is this guy's reputation” and they say “good,” you will understandably find that answer wanting.  In some sense, your reputation represents the degree to which your actions, over time, have provided others with evidence of, and confidence in, your ability to operate within your Strength Zone.

Second, it is easier to lose a reputation than to build it.  The cornerstone of a good reputation is consistency.  Your ability to operate within your Strength Zone is much less valuable if you can’t be relied upon to do so consistently.

And, that’s where we find Jim.  Darryl, Dwight, and in some sense, Pam, spend the episode wondering how fully Jim will live up to the “people first” reputation he has built.

[Jim speaks to the Documentary Crew]

Jim: “I am leaving early today for Philly, because tomorrow is the first day of my new job.  So I figured I’d get in at 5, check into the hotel about 6, so I can get a real good night of restless sleep and nervous puking”

[later, in the breakroom]

Darryl: "Philly, exciting stuff man, So, you sure you remember everything for your trip?"

Jim: "Yeah, I think so"

Daryl: "Think that through for a sec"

[Camera cuts to Darryl alone, speaking to the camera crew]

Darryl: “Jim’s going to Philly tomorrow, he said he was going to take me with him, but that was two months ago, and I haven’t heard anything since.  I mean, he said that, right? "

[Camera cuts back to Jim and Darryl’s conversation]

“What else could you possibly be forgetting?  Things?  People?"

[Toby interjects and changes the subject]

Darryl is obviously upset, and unsatisfied by Jim’s lack of communication since he originally floated the idea of a job to Darryl.  This is all happening in the midst of the annual Christmas party, where they’re serving (and Darryl subsequently drinks plenty of) alcoholic punch.  An inebriated Darryl later shares his frustrations with the camera crew.

Darryl: “Jim, that guy, pfft.  You gotta stick to your word!  Like when you say something to a buddy, a real buddy, what are you gonna do… LIE?  TO YOUR BUDDY?!  That’s AWFUL.”

So, we’re left with the impression that Darryl is definitely disappointed with Jim.  Jim’s reputation has suffered in his eyes.  

Jim: “Oh you know what, I gotta go”

Pam: “Oh really, already?” 

Jim: “I’m sorry”

Dwight: “Hey, where are you going?”  

Jim: “I have to go to Philly, but, this was amazing”

Dwight: “But you work tomorrow”

Jim: “Yeah, I know, I just like to settle in, get a good night’s sleep”

Dwight: “But we were going to break the pig rib”

Jim: “Awwww”

Dwight: “Remember?”

Jim: “That’s right”

Dwight: “No matter, Belsnickel cares not”

To understand why Dwight is dressed up like an imaginary Christmas character named Belsnickel, and why he subsequently beats Jim with a stick, I recommend you watch the full episode.  But, to sum it all up: Dwight is very disappointed Jim is leaving the party early. And, while Pam doesn’t assault Jim with a makeshift weapon, we can tell she is upset too:

Pam: “Well, this is it” [teary expression]

Jim: “I’m probably never going to see you again”

Pam: “Shut up, I’m trying to be serious”

Jim: “Hah, ok”

Pam: “I can’t believe this is actually happening”

Jim: “Listen, thank you so much, for putting that all together, that was the perfect last Christmas party”

[Pam looks sad, if not a bit disappointed]

Jim: “Alright, wish me luck?”

{Jim and Pam hug]

Pam: “Good luck, you’re going to be great”

Jim:“I’ll call you when I get in?”

Pam:“OK”

Jim: “Alright”

Pam:“Love you”

Jim: “Love you”

As Pam rides the elevator back up to The Office, she crosses paths with Dwight as he storms out, going home to change out of his Belsnickel costume.

Pam: “What’s going on”

Dwight: “Party’s over. You quit on Christmas, Christmas quits on you”

Later, after Dwight has returned to the office, he elaborates on his frustrations

Dwight: “Jim couldn’t even stay until the end of the party”

Pam: “But that didn’t have anything to do with you”

Dwight: “I don’t care. Guess how much I care on a scale of one to ten”

Pam: “Zero”

Dwight: [expletive]

As if Jim’s apparent popularity hadn’t fallen far enough, the camera cuts back to a one-on-one with Darryl, who catches us up to where he’s at with the whole “‘real buddy” rant he started earlier.

Darryl: “I’m going to tell Jim to go [expletive]”

Wow!

So here we are.  Jim is deeply unpopular, and In this one post I have censored the first and second bad-word in the history of this blog.  There’s more to the story, but I think we’ve gotten enough raw emotion out on the table for one day’s reading.  Next week, we’ll tackle the aftermath, and the implications it has for the Mentoring Program.

by Adam

After the sobering, tough-love realism of our last post, I’m excited to embark on a slightly more lighthearted path today.  We pick up with a conversation Jim and Pam are having with the camera crew (Episode 8, Season 9 “The Target”).

Jim: “Today I will be asking David Wallace if I can start working part time, because the sports marketing company that I started really needs me to be there”

Pam: “Last week, Jim wasn’t there, and they named the company Athlead”

Jim:“I could have prevented that, so... I have to talk to Wallace”

Pam: “Tell them your opening line!”

Jim: “Hey David, how would you like a guy that’s not here as much, gets paid the same amount of salary, and has bigger fish to fry in Philadelphia?”

Pam: “I think it’s good!  He likes fishing.”

“Jim: This is going to be awful”

Unlike episodes we’ve covered in previous posts, it’s good to see that Jim and Pam are on the same page this time.  But, their dialogue leaves us wondering how in the world Jim will be able to pull this off.

[Jim, on the phone with David Wallace, the CEO]

Jim: “I mean I can handle any client issues from Philly”

David (CEO): “Yeah, but I really need someone in the office.  I mean, if there’s a crisis...the more I think about it….”

Jim: “Oh you mean handle it in person, oh, well, Phyllis and Stanley have agreed to cover for me while I’m gone”

David (CEO): “They did?”

Jim: “Uh...yup!”

David (CEO): “Oh, ok, well that is different.  In that case, yes, maybe this can work”

Jim: “Oh great!”

Unfortunately, they had not agreed to cover for him, as we soon discover.

Phyllis: “Why should we help you?”

Jim: “Because we’re friends!”

Stanley:“When is my birthday?”

Jim: “Unfair, when’s my birthday?”

Stanley: “I don’t know, because we’re not friends”

Jim: “How about this, you let me take you to lunch, and I make my case”

Stanley: “Now we’re talking”

Jim’s apparent prospects appear to fade as Phyllis and Stanley drink heavily at lunch, continue to steer conversation away from Jim’s request, and begin to take a nap in the car.  But, just as they’re falling asleep, Jim gets the good news he was looking for:

Phyllis: “We’re gonna cover for you, you know”

Jim: “Phyllis, are you dreaming, or…”

Stanley: “I did enjoy grinding your beans, son”

Phyllis: “Yeah, we really did peel your grapes”

After some more heckling, Jim confirms what he heard.

Jim: “..you are going to cover for me?”

Phyllis: “Of course we are Jimmy, we love you guys”

Jim: “Thank you!”

Now, how does this conversation tie in to a broader conversation about Kevin or Adam’s thoughts on mentorship?  Does Adam endorse getting drunk at business lunches?  Is Kevin’s #1 CFO life hack taking mid-day stealth naps in his car?

No, I don’t get drunk at business lunches.  And I’m fairly confident (although, not certain) that Kevin doesn’t nap in his car.

Instead, the relevant phenomenon I think we’re seeing is Jim leaning into his Strength Zone.

Jim faced a problem: how do I balance my current job responsibilities with the demands of my new business venture?

There is more than one way to solve that problem.  If one of Jim’s strengths was extreme financial discipline, maybe he could have quit his job, or used the possibility that he may have to as leverage.  If Jim had a super-human risk appetite, maybe he could have done that without a financial cushion.  If Jim had made himself indispensable to his business partners, maybe he could have extracted more concessions on his work arrangement from them.  If Jim had previously had a more substantial career focus in his earlier time at Dunder-Mifflin, maybe he would have built a stronger reputation, and would be in a better position to alleviate some of the CEOs concerns.

Now, I’m not saying any of those are bulletproof alternatives.  But neither was the path he chose: committing the time and energy of other people who had not agreed with his plans. Jim was in a genuinely tough position.

I’m not going to condone the shoot-first, aim-later strategy that Jim had on this one.  If that was his only answer to David’s predictable concern, he should have approached Phyliss and Stanley ahead of time.

But, still, it’s illuminating that Jim chose that route, and was ultimately successful.

As we’ve discussed in a previous post, Jim has a natural charisma, and is genuinely invested in being a positive force in the lives of his colleagues.  He puts people first.  It just comes naturally.

So, while Jim could have attempted to address this problem in other ways, he ultimately did so by operating within his strength zone, just like Kevin would have instructed him to:

“I mean, if you were only given two zones to choose from--strength or weakness--which would you choose? I suppose you don’t even need a mentor advising you on that one. If you do, I'm a little concerned about you, but glad to be of service! Strengths is the obvious choice, so why do so many young professionals remain unaware of their intangibles and--by default-- try to work within their weaknesses or the strengths of their peers? Working from your strengths is the ONLY way to reach your maximum potential.”

-Kevin from our post “In the Zone”

Couldn’t say it any better myself.  So, that’s where I’ll leave it!

by Adam

Today, I want to talk about Reputation.  It won’t be the first time: in fact, we covered this in one of our core posts on the mentoring program. 

If you read that post (and, I recommend you do!), you’ll have heard a lot about what a reputation is. Here’s Kevin’s take on his own reputation:

“Currently, I am building a reputation as a CFO mentor, in addition to other characteristics that I am consistently living, such as encourager, faithful, teacher, positive attitude and humor. By continually focusing on these traits and roles, I am continuing to build my reputation in my community.”

-Kevin from our post on Reputation

Reading that post will get you a long way toward understanding how to build a reputation.  And, indeed, it even spends some times ruminating on the precariousness of only having indirect control over your reputation.  

But, I want to dive deeper on that topic.  And, to do so, I want to pick back up with Jim’s ongoing journey in Episode 7, Season 9 (“The Whale”). In the quote below, we find Jim struggling to hold a productive work call in the presence of some highly distracting background noise.

[Jim paces around the parking lot on his cell phone]

Jim: “What I was saying is the genius of Air Jordan was not in the market saturation it was, uh…”

[metal chop saw screeches from across the street]

Business Partner: “It was what?”

Jim: “Sorry, um…”

Business Partner: “Jim we’re having a lot of trouble hearing you”

Jim: “The..the...what I was saying is the real genius, was in the….”

[Jim leans against a car, setting off the car alarm]

Security guard: [yelling to Jim] “Hey, are those skateboarders back?

Business Partner: “Jim? Jim are you there?”

Jim: “It was in the authentic design, right?  It really felt like Michael Jordan was wearing these shoes for..”

Meredith: “Jim, who was messing with my van?”

Jim: “Nobody!”

Business Partner: “Jordan wore them for nobody?  Not following you Halpert…”

Later that day, we see the aftermath, as Jim answers a follow-up call from his business partner.

Jim:“Jim Halpert”

Business Partner: “Hey, It’s Collin”

Jim: “Hey man, I am so sorry about that”

Business Partner: “Hey, no, don’t worry about it.  It’s just, it's not totally working”

Jim: “Yeah, no, I know, this whole telecommuting thing is not ideal, but don’t worry I’ll figure it out.”

Business Partner: “Yeah, well, it’s not just not ideal. With you there, I don’t know how we’re going to do this”

Jim: “Uh, what does that mean”

The scene ends, and we’re left to wonder exactly what it means. But, we’re left with a clear impression: Jim has damaged his reputation with his business partner.

If your reaction is anything like mine, you’re probably feeling sorry for Jim.  He’s in a tough situation.  He faces a lot of obstacles to realizing his dream of being a founding member of this new business.  We know his intentions are good; he really seems to be doing his best here.

But, those good intentions are not enough to dull the impact his accidental transgressions have on his reputation with his new business partner.  That’s frustrating!  That doesn’t feel like the way it should be.  But, it's the way it is.

If you’ve been working in a professional capacity for years and years, you’re probably less likely to think that analysis is very profound.  Of course Jim is going to be initially judged on his output, not his intentions.  That’s not only because intentions are difficult to ascertain, but because intentions alone just don’t get the job done.

But, if you’re newer to the professional workforce (or rapidly approaching graduation), I’m guessing you’re having a subtly different reaction.  Maybe you grudgingly accept what I said as true, but you certainly don’t think it's fair.  I know a younger version of me would have felt that way.

And, here’s the thing: I’m not going to try to convince you that it’s fair.  But, I do think it's important you be convinced that, in terms of building a professional reputation, what seems fair is hopelessly irrelevant.

Before we go there though, I think it’s important to unbundle two things.  While professional and personal reputation and character can be (and often are) intertwined, they are not the same thing.  As we will touch on in later posts, you’ll often face tough tradeoffs in your life pitting the personal against the professional, and there aren’t always easy answers.

But, it’s the distinction between those two spheres of life that’s important.  While we can sympathize with Jim on a personal level, we have to understand from a professional level that his shortcomings here are, indeed, fair game for his business partner to take issue with.  That doesn’t have to diminish our personal empathy for Jim.  But, it does need to be the groundwork from which we understand how to build a professional reputation.

Now, this is not to say that professional reputation deserves primacy 100% of the time.  While Character reflects morals, and should form the “non-negotiable” principles by which we operate, reputation includes elements like “work ethic,” which can often be in a zero-sum conflict with things like a healthy relationship with your spouse or kids.  In other words: some elements of your reputation necessarily exist on a continuum.

I know, I know: I am being a big time downer.  But, I have a good reason!  This realization, for me, was as profound and unexpected as it was important. And, I think the genesis story for this revelation is itself instructive.

The CFO of a large public company came to my university as a guest speaker.  After her talk, she was asked a question that I’d heard, in some form, many times before: “how do you balance work life with family?”

I had been conditioned to expect a certain thing to come next: she would talk about the importance of her family to her, how it takes teamwork and coordination, offer a few specific tips or tricks, and then stick the landing with a story about how she prioritized some specific Family Thing over a different Important Work Thing.  The message: sure, it is a challenge, but you don’t really have to make any trade offs, you just have to decide to make it work.  

Here’s my abbreviated take on what I expected her to say: the hard decisions are hard because it takes effort and creativity to find the perfect answer.

But, that is not what she said.

She said, without any hint of apology or shame, that sometimes you have to make tough decisions in your life.  That she loves her family, and loves her kids.  That you can certainly be both a good parent, a good spouse, and a successful professional.  But, you have to understand: there are going to be tradeoffs.  You can’t just have your cake and eat it too.  It starts with understanding your values, then identifying your goals, and then making the decisions that you can live with.

My take on what she actually said: the hard decisions are hard because there is no perfect answer.

That was a sobering moment for me.  I’m guessing it was also a sobering moment for the aspiring future-professional who asked the question.  But, we both needed to hear it.

And, therein lies what a professional reputation is not.  A professional reputation is not based solely on your intentions, is not crafted according to what is fair, and is not limited by rules of what colleagues are allowed to think. Importantly, it is not something that can always be maximized without tradeoffs.

Now, I’m not saying: “If you want to be professionally successful, get ready to have a horrible family life”

I’m also not saying: “If you want to be a good spouse or parent, go ahead and give up on your aspirations to be an executive some day”

I’m saying: No matter what path you choose, you’re going to have to make tough decisions.  Sometimes, with some effort and creativity, you’ll be able to have your cake and eat it too.  Many times, you won’t.

In fact, those inevitable hard decisions are precisely what make our Mentoring Framework most valuable.  When you’re staring down the barrel of a decision that puts two things that you want in direct conflict--that’s when you need a map.  That’s when you need a reliable system by which to adjudicate your competing interests, and help you determine your path with confidence.  That’s when you need Goals.  And when those Goals are in conflict, that’s when you need a Mission Statement.  And, when the problem is too fickle even for your Mission Statement to shed clarifying light on, that’s when you need a Board of Advisors to offer you perspective, wisdom, and advice.

No, the Mentoring Program Kevin has put together won’t answer every question life can throw at you.  And, it doesn’t mean you won’t make some poor decisions from time to time.  But, it puts some tools in your toolbox to be able to confront these difficult questions when they arise.

And, trust me, they will arise!  

Confronting that reality may seem like a bummer.  And, you may feel like this post runs contrary to our stance on optimism. 

Rest assured.  It doesn’t!  With this knowledge, you are still free (and encouraged!) to dream big, and aspire to have a fantastic, multidimensional life.  In fact, this knowledge only makes those dreams more attainable.  Because when you face obstacles, when competing elements of your dreams seem in irreconcilable conflict, you won’t be crestfallen.  You won’t be shocked.  You won’t feel like you’ve been sold a bill of goods.

Instead, you’ll know it’s normal.  You’ll realize that this is one of those "tradeoffs" you were warned about.  And, you’ll use the tools at your disposal to press forward with confidence, conviction, and (hopefully) a renewed sense of optimism for what else may lie ahead.

by Adam

In our last post in this series, we explored Jim’s deficiencies in the Character department as he embarked on a new journey in his career, with his wife belatedly and reluctantly in tow.

While that lapse in judgement is not the focus of this post, it laid the groundwork for Jim's difficulties in the topic we’re exploring today: communication.

Now, communication is not and explicit element of our Mentoring Program.  That’s not because it isn’t important.  It is!

Take a look at this 2016 survey on key elements to living a full life.  Notable among them are:

• Family - 32%
• Success - 12%
• Giving - 8%
• Health - 7%

Notably absent are things like:

• Breathing
• Not starving to death
• Literacy
• Modern Plumbing

Now, you could definitely take issue with the last point.  While I certainly am appreciative for modern plumbing’s presence in my life, many a human being in antiquity (and even current day) find meaning and purpose in their lives without a sink that runs or a toilet that flushes.  But, as you work your way up that second list, you’ll find elements that become more and more basic, more and more a part of the assumed foundation for a normal life in modern times.  Breathing, of course, is the prerequisite for, well, anything.

So, why did respondents leave these off the list?  For the same reason Communication isn’t a headline section of the Mentoring Program.  

I won’t claim it “goes without saying” that communication is important, not least because I would contradict that notion by continuing to write this post about it.  But, I think it’s accurate to say that communication can be assumed to be the bedrock of just about any human endeavor that requires interaction with other people (which is most human endeavors), and even some that don’t!

Indeed, Kevin urges mentees to write down their Mission Statement and Goals.  This serves a useful function in helping distill vague ideas and feelings into more precise and actionable dicta.  Importantly, it also allows you to communicate through space and time (WHOA!) to future-you, who can look back on the priorities formed by prior-you, and use that to evaluate your progress.

But, I digress.  After all, the title of this post is “Money Talks in the Office.”  I’ll admit, it’s a bit of a bait and switch for me to have titled this post as such.  To go full grammar school, I’m not using “talks” as a verb.  So, if you’re hoping to read a post about how Jim walks into the Office with a stack of Benjamins, makes it rain, gets everything he wants, and then gives a short speech to the documentary crew about how “money talks”...well...this post is not for you.    

No, I’m referring to “talks” as a noun.  You know, that slow, deliberative process of communicating with another person to reach consensus, or at least a shared understanding of each other’s perspective.  And, as you may have guessed, the talks I’m referring to are about money.

But, to confuse the matter even further, the subject of this post is not a certain set of money talks between Jim and Pam.  In fact, its about the absence or insufficiency of money talks between the pair.

Que the dialogue from Episode 5, Season 9 ("Here Comes Treble"):

Jim: “Listen, are you sure you’re ok with me putting in this much money”

Pam: “Yeah, I mean listen, if we’re gonna do this thing than we should do it right”

Jim: “You’re the best”

Pam: “I kind of am, it’s crazy”

Off to a good start, right?  Looks like Jim and Pam are finally working from the same playbook.

Business Partner: “I also have been running the numbers and between our backers, and our investment, we’re looking great for a full year on this”

Jim: “Is it too late to get in?”

Business Partner: “Jim, I explained everything, and you’re all set”

Jim: “Oh no, I actually talked to my wife, and we’d really like to invest, you know, get in on the ground floor”

Business Partner: “Wow, well, what level of investment are you thinking about?”

Jim: “We were thinking somewhere between $5, $10 thousand.  [uncomfortable pause] I can do the full $10 thousand, we should just [motions with hands]...all-in”

Business Partner: “All right, welcome aboard”

Jim: “Cool”

A little bit awkward...Jim looked uncomfortable, and obviously ended up at the high end of what he was comfortable with.  But, all is good, right?  Surely he and Pam were explicit enough in their talks that Jim’s high end was also Pam’s.  Right…?

Pam: “Oh hey how’d it go?”

Jim: “Oh it was great, they were great”

Pam: “Did you end up investing?”

Jim: “I did, yeah”

Pam: “How much?”

Jim: “Uh, I guess by the end it was… about… 10”

Pam: “About ten?”

Jim: “Ten, it was the full ten”

Pam: “Wow”

Jim: “Yeah”

Pam: “Wow”

Jim: “Yeah, it’s a good thing we talked about it though because, we had to”

Pam: “So did everybody end up investing ten thousand?”

Jim: “Um, oh man, I don’t actually know”

Pam: “What?”

Jim: “They weren’t actually talking all that much about money, they just said we’re good with investing, and then…”

Pam: “They said they were done with investing and then you volunteered ten thousand dollars”

Jim: “Well I had to, I needed to look like a team player”

Pam: “So you invested ten thousand dollars to look like a team player?”

Jim: [as office meeting is beginning in the background] “We’ll talk about it later”

Pam: “No, I want to talk about it now.  Jim, that was most of our savings”

Jim: “Some, we said some”

Pam: “We’ll talk about it later”

Oof.  There’s a lot of subtext in this interaction, but I’m going to focus on two things.

First: it’s impossible to fully understand this interaction without understanding Jim’s prior breach of character, and breach of trust.  With everything you do, you’re either adding to, of subtracting from, your reputation.  Understandably, Pam did not default to the most generous interpretation of Jim’s conduct and motives.

Second: communication is really, really important.  We like to think that we’ve put together a fantastic mentoring program to provide a foundation for you professional and personal development.  But it isn’t everything you’re going to need!  Execution requires a variety of skills, and even the best laid plans go awry.

There’s a famous Mike Tyson quote:

“I ain’t the same person I was when I bit that guy’s ear off”

...wait...sorry...not that one!

“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth”

Now, while I hope your career and personal life doesn’t involve the realistic prospect of being literally punched in the mouth, I do think there is some wisdom there about plans.  They’re great!  They’re necessary.  But, alone, they are not sufficient.

That will continue to be a theme throughout this series.  Embarking on the mentoring program is an important step.  But, it doesn’t contain the answer to all of your life's problems.  It’s just a map.  You’re the one that has to walk the road, putting one foot in front of the other, encountering and dealing with obstacles along the way.

by Adam

For this post, we’ll be focusing on Episode 2, Season 9 ("Roy's Wedding") and Episode 3, Season 9 ("Andy's Ancestry").

We left off our last post in this series by highlighting the multifaceted-ness of Jim’s shaky new career direction.  He had just, without any consultation with his wife, accepted a role in a high-risk start-up company located more than 100 miles away from where they currently live.

Which is… a perfectly normal thing to do… nothing to see here… right?

Wrong.

In fact, before continuing on with the narrative of the story, or my thoughts on how it links back to mentorship concepts we’ve developed on this blog, I’m going to ask you to do a little reflection.

Can you think of a time in your life where you’ve overcommitted?  It doesn’t have to be on the scale of Jim’s promissory blunder.  What about something small?  Surely, you have before.

Many highly driven individuals face a certain kind of tough choice on a daily or weekly basis: reconciling their aspirations with the constraints of being a human being.  Those constraints may include:

• Only having 24 hours in one day, and needing to sleep, eat, and attend to your personal hygiene
• Pursuing goals without sacrificing character
• Maintaining healthy balance between different goals and self-care requirements
• Reconciling aspirations with the wants and needs of family

While Jim’s actions fit more neatly into some of those buckets than others, I think it’s important to point out that his experience is thematic of the larger phenomenon.  Human beings are constantly facing trade-offs in pursuit of their goals.  In fact, successfully navigating these trade-offs, and optimizing your decisions in light of your mission and goals, constitute the blocking and tackling of following the mentorship program.

It’s great to lay out a good plan, but that can’t distract you from the very real need to execute on that plan!  Good intentions are immeasurably better than meandering through life with no intentions at all.  But, good intentions alone won’t get you where you want to go.

So, back to Jim.  First, he provides us a little more context for that telephone call we heard in the last episode:

Jim: “I started a new business with my college friend. But, Pam doesn’t know....umm… actually, I did tell Pam, and we decided “no.”  But then I decided yes anyway, so, I’m thinking there’s another conversation coming, and it’s hard to know when that will be.”

And, later on, we hear another phone call that has Jim digging himself ever deeper into a hole:

Jim: “Right, and did you show them the market, yeah, and what’d they say, that's awesome, oh my god, wow! … its not even real yet, and I’m not going to tell her until its real”

Despite Jim’s secrecy, Pam suspects something:

Pam: “I think maybe there actually is something I don’t know about Jim”

And, finally, in a conversation with Darryl about their current employment situation, Jim is faced with the truth of what he has (and hasn’t) been doing:

Jim: “You doin’ alright man?”

Darryl: “I’m done. I gotta get out of here.”

Jim: “Yeah, not the easiest day to be assistant regional manager.”

Darryl: “It’s not just today, it’s every day.  Seems like the better title that I have, the stupider my job gets.”

Jim: “Come on, it can always get better, right?”

Darryl: “Yeah, right.”

Jim: “No, I’m serious, there’s always something better.”

Darryl: “Like what.”

Jim: “Like hypothetically, if I said that there was another job, that you and I could both have”

Darryl: “What kind of job”

Jim: “Something cool, like sports marketing, or…does that sound like something you’d be into?”

Darryl: “Hell yeah”

Jim: “Right?”

Darryl: “That sounds awesome”

Jim: “Ok but wait, what if I told you that it was in Philly, so you’d have to…”

Darryl: “I love Philly”

Jim: “Right?”

Darryl: “That’s not even a thought…”

Jim: “Not even a thought, its not even that far away, I could still commute, exactly.  Exactly!  Alright!”

Darryl: “Wait wait wait, so what, is this happening?”

Jim: “Oh its happening, lets just keep it between you and me for right now”

Darryl: “Ok, yeah yeah yeah..man, so Pam’s into it?”

Jim: “We haven’t talked about it but I think that she’s, I think she understands what this is…”

Darryl: “Oh, come on man, I thought you had something real”

Jim: “What, no no no, come on, this is real”

Darryl: “It’s not real until your wife is on board”

Darryl’s right: Jim’s order of operations is out of whack.  On some level, Jim surely knows this.  You can practically feel it in the conversation!  Jim knows he shouldn’t be keeping this to himself, and uses Darryl as a psychological stand-in for a higher-stakes conversation with his wife.

Eventually, though, Jim does tell Pam.  Unfortunately, it does not result in the resolution that Jim thinks it does:

Jim: “I don’t know what I was so worried about, I have the best wife in the world”

Jim is thrilled that his goal now seems newly attainable.

Pam: “I still can’t believe he didn’t tell me”

Pam is crushed by Jim’s out-of-character dishonesty.

There’s a lot here we could talk about.  Jim is flailing in some impressively destructive ways.  Luckily for our series of posts, he will continue to flail for several more episodes, providing ample time to cover more implications of the lack of consensus and communication with Pam.

But, in the context of the whole season, the most unique thing about this particular episode is Jim’s total lack of desire to reconcile the competing interests in his life.

Maybe it would have helped him to define those interests through a formal Mission Statement or explicit Goals.

But, I’m not so sure.

Even without having crystal clear goals, Jim is painfully aware of the inherent conflict between two of his most fundamental aspirations: an engaging, purpose-filled career and a happy, healthy marriage.

I hate to say it (because we all like Jim!) but, this one comes down to Character.

It can be hard to nail down exactly what Character is, or what it really means, but here’s a running start:

"So, what is character? Character can be defined as the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. Not helpful? Well, maybe an exhaustive list of said qualities would do the job: integrity, honesty, loyalty, trustworthy, respectfulness, humility, compassion, fairness, forgiveness, authenticity, courage, generosity, perseverance, politeness, kindness, optimism, reliability, self-discipline, ambitious, encouraging, considerate, dependable, patience, grit, compassion, self-control, grateful, positive, proactive, hopeful, devoted, faithful, genuine...did that help?"

-Kevin from our post on Character

If your Goals answer the question “what?”....

….and your Mission Statement answers the question “why?”...

...then your Character answers the question “how?”

You get the sense that Jim was somehow hoping he could manage to play a foundational role in this non-local start-up without ever really coming clean to Pam.  And, therein lies the cardinal sin of Jim’s conduct here.  He was so focused on what he wanted, that he didn’t really care how it came into being.  

Resolving a conflict like that requires a great deal of self-awareness.  Effective goals are manifest in specific, objective language. Character, by its very nature, is much more abstract a measuring stick. As a result, it can be easy to rationalize prioritization of the former over the vague demands of the latter.  

Luckily, in the following posts, we’ll see Jim beginning to up his game on the Character front.  But as we’ll soon see, transgressions of Character are not so easy to atone for, and the ripple effects of Jim's conduct will follow him for many days to come.

by Adam

This post is the third installment in our series of posts chronicling Trevor’s mentorship journey.

To read previous posts in this series, follow the links below:

Trevor Takes a Swing at Self-Assessment

Trevor’s Second At Bat on Self-Assessment

by Trevor

To start I want to say I am not sure I have fully developed my mission statement but I figured this is why I am here, to gain feedback and continue to develop myself through these “assignments.”  When I sat down to work on this, I really struggled to get going, but I believe I have at least a good starting point for a decent mission statement.  A big focus in my statement comes from something I have heard multiple times as a young professional, and that is to never stop learning.  However I also wanted to focus on things that mean a lot to me such as supporting others.  In my mission statement I could elaborate a lot more, but for the sake of not making this blog look like a novel, here it is.  

“I will continue to learn and grow in all aspects of my life.  I will strive to progress in my current positions, but never turn my nose to a new opportunity.  I will do this all while adding value and support to the people I am surrounded by.”

Now I don’t believe that answers the question Kevin asked of “have you found your purpose in life?”  But if I continue to learn, grow and support others on the way, I think my path will be narrowed down in the near future.

by Kevin

Trevor, I think this is a great start to identifying your purpose--or mission--in life! Well done! 

Here are some questions to both help me understand your mission and, perhaps,  to help you dig a little deeper: how will you learn and grow?, what does progressing look like, (new title, more pay)?, how do you expect to add value?,  and which of the words you chose has special meaning to you, maybe “value” or “support”? Make sure you embed words within your mission statement that motivate you. I don’t think your mission statement needs to expand on any of these questions, but I would like to understand your meaning a little better gain, this is a great start!

As I mentioned before, your mission statement needs to be exciting to you, so even though you may not know exactly what the results will be, learning and growing is most definitely exciting! If you continue to focus on learning, growing, adding value and supporting the people around you, I do believe you have an exciting journey ahead of you that will result in plenty of opportunities. The key is to never stop reflecting and following your mission!

by Adam

Hi Trevor!  Mostly, I’d echo what Kevin said.  I really like your focus on growth and development.  It can be tough, especially earlier in your career, to translate general aspirations into a more specific mission.  To echo Kevin, I think they key will be to understand what “growth” means to you.  Is it developing a good professional reputation?  Reaping the tangible and monetary benefits of a prosperous career?  Is it self-discovery through overcoming adversity?  Is it having successes to look back on, to know you “left your mark?”  Understanding the dimensions along which growth is most important to you can go a long way toward focusing your efforts in a productive way.  Regardless of your views on that, I salute you for having such a strong growth mindset!  That will serve you well, and provide a foundation for success, however you choose to define it.

By Trevor

I believe that some of the questions you posed me with can really be wrapped into a single response.  In my current positions I am confident that I can continue learning and growing possibly by taking on more responsibilities, but also by pursuing new opportunities.  And I don’t necessarily mean new opportunities outside of where I hold my current positions.  I think that I have mentioned it previously, but I have never really stayed with one employer for longer than a year, and not that I think that that is a bad thing, but I think longevity adds value and support like I mentioned in my statement.  So, I would say that by taking on more responsibilities or taking advantage of a new opportunity that presents itself at my current job can cover how I will continue to learn, grow, progress and provide value to my employer.  I also want to reference what Adam was saying about what growth actually means to me, and I think his first two points hit the nail right on the head…at least for me.  More of the first being about professional reputation because I have always wanted to be someone that anyone can rely on in whatever situation arises and out of that I think is where the tangible and monetary benefits come from.  If I can be the first person that my boss turns to or a co-worker comes to with a question then that just lays the bricks for the tangible and monetary benefits to come.  Now I definitely will have to work on my patience in that, because I know it’s not always the right time for a promotion or raise, but by working towards my main points in my mission statement those should come with time.