By Kevin
Well, if you are reading this post, it means you haven’t given up on the idea of our mentorship--at least not yet. Hopefully this is the beginning of something special, because we have so much to talk about!
Adam, thanks so much for the introduction and background. As you undoubtedly noticed, Adam is not only witty, intelligent and humble, but he is also exactly right! I agree; Obi-Wan represents a powerful measure of a mentor. Yet, perhaps, in comparison, I am a little limited in my ability to access the mentoring force (sorry, Obi-Wan). Let me explain. In my experience, I have been unable to independently create the mission, values and goals on the behalf of each mentee. In fact, one of my early frustrations with the mentoring process was that I failed to form those deep discoveries for each mentee upon our inaugural encounter.
During our initial introduction, as we were getting to know one another, I would describe the concept of mentoring in more detail. As the conversation evolved, I could sense the disappointment disseminating from the other side when the mentee realized he/she wouldn’t be walking away from this ‘meeting of the minds’ with a “Dora the Explorer”-esque map, allowing them to discover their deepest desires and the hidden treasures of the abundant life. Oh, how wonderful would it be for the two of us to meet at the local coffee shop, enjoy a couple lattes, talk about life, share some laughs, and then thirty minutes later we would magically march away with your life purpose, long term goals, and actionable steps to achieve all of it? Hmm, perhaps that reflects the power of a mentoring force that eludes me?
Unfortunately for the both of us, I have not yet had that experience--or power--although I'm not against additional mentoring training to obtain it. However, even the ultra wise Gandalf the Grey didn’t fully comprehend the final outcome for Bilbo upon their first meeting. What Gandalf did know was that Bilbo was created for a purpose and designed for accomplishment. He knew he was destined to live an adventure. Thankfully, Gandalf didn’t cease after the first council.
Guess what? That’s exactly what I know about you (and we didn’t even have to meet--yet)! Yes, you were created for a purpose and designed for accomplishment. You are destined to live an adventure! But, it will take more than one meeting (or blog post, as this case may be) to discover it. So, that’s where this communication will commence. As Max Lucado once said, “The purpose of life is not to live long, it is to live”. So, let’s live!
Honestly, if I had the ability to tell you your strengths and weaknesses, mission statement, goals, and everything else related to your adventure in thirty minutes, it would truly be an immense letdown for the both of us. Why is that? Well, what I have learned about mentorship over the past several years is that a component of the mentoring meetings, and maybe even the most compelling component, is actually taking the time to....discover the journey! I really wouldn’t want to skip the initial steps of self-reflection before you begin the later steps of self-realization.
Trust me, there is real joy in those early steps of assessing your self awareness, understanding your mission, and then, and only then, creating actionable goals through a continuing conversation and kindling kinship with a trusted adviser. That is when the growth can begin, and growth is positively powerful! If we skip the first step you won’t appreciate, or even understand, the next steps. It’s the journey--the adventure--that that I am wanting you to discover for yourself. As you now fully know, your journey hasn’t been revealed to me, and I am assuming it hasn’t been revealed to you either, at least not in its fullest formation. That is exactly why I am here to begin this relationship with you and take the pioneering step of your expedition.
My primary purpose--or mission--in this relationship is to encourage you to reach your maximum potential. So, in other words, I want you to be successful! I am quite confident in saying I can place my piece of the puzzle because, as John Maxwell defined it, “success is the progressive realization of a worthwhile goal”. Please go back and read that sentence again: it is that important for the foundation of our future engagements.
How can I so boldly know you will be successful? I am certain because you will create your own worthwhile goals and BEGIN the journey! Each person's success will be unique. My success is going to look different than Adam’s, and Adam’s success is going to look different from yours, but we can all declare ourselves successful as long as we have clearly defined worthwhile goals that are responsive to our individual strengths and desires....while making progress.
But there is so much more to this journey than goals. I would like to remind you, as Adam stated, my part is to only assist, your part is to create. I would like to polish this post with the following quote from Zig Ziglar, because I think it does an absolutely amazing job of capturing the magic of mentoring: “A lot of people have gone further than they thought they could because someone else thought they could”. In your life, let me be that “someone else”. So, how does that definition of success and this upcoming journey sit with you?
By Adam
It sits, and it sits well! I identify strongly with Kevin’s statement that “Each person’s success will be different.” In the early moments of my professional life, I struggled mightily with that idea.
While I think I knew what the concept meant, I had no earthly idea on how to apply it.
Up until the moment I graduated college, I always had plenty of structure to lay the foundation for my ambitions. Growing up and attending college was a foregone conclusion. Sure, there were a few hundred different degree paths I could take, and different hobbies I could develop along the way. But, there was a clear and consistent framework for defining and achieving academic success. Once I picked a degree, there was a concrete list of courses included in the curriculum. I could look at the syllabus for each course, and chart a path toward making a good grade. And, as long as I didn’t come off sounding like a prospective axe murderer in a job interview, those grades could reliably land me a “good” job upon graduation.
Then came the professional world: before me laid a near infinite number of potential career paths. No tailored curriculum, no syllabus, no universal metric by which I could objectively judge my success (or failure). No guidance counselor. And, for the record, no free access to a rock climbing wall.
I spent my first few years looking for those things (except the rock climbing wall). And, going into my first meeting with Kevin, I still held out hope that was what he would offer. I”ll take one Dora-the-Explorer career map, please! (with a side of extra clarity, and hold the Dora).
Needless to say, I was mistaken. But, more importantly, I was not disappointed. Strangely, I felt a sense of relief that there wasn’t a formula for success that I alone was missing. Hearing Kevin acknowledge the uncertainty inherent in any career (or life!) made me feel a lot better about my own lack of direction. Like a child who yearns for adulthood so they can eat unlimited ice cream and play unlimited video games, I was happy to not get what I wished for.
That’s not to say Kevin didn’t, or couldn’t, give practical advice. He did. And, I mean, let’s be honest: if that’s all he had done--if I spent a year flying co-pilot while Kevin made all my important life decisions for me--it probably would have gotten me to a decent outcome. But, how does that saying go? If you give a man a fish, you can feed him for a day...
...but if he’s too stubborn to accept fishing lessons, he’ll be deeply disappointed when the fish stop coming. I probably fall into that category of being stubborn enough to reject the fishing lesson. Why take fishing lessons? Why not grow some corn instead? Truth is: Kevin’s hands-off approach happened to mesh incredibly well with my stubborn and contrarian instincts.
No matter how sound the advice, or how wise the speaker, it always has more staying power for me when I reach a conclusion on my own.. Said differently, and in keeping with my botched animal aphorisms: You can lead a horse to water…
...but it might just stand at the edge of the water and stare at you. Kevin never tried to make me drink. Instead, he offered to ride shotgun on my road trip through life. As a result, I am living a much more goal-oriented, self-reflective, and meaningful life. And when I get thirsty, he is more than happy to help me find the off ramp and get some water.
Still, I don’t think it’s appropriate to say I’m any closer to an “endpoint” than when I started. And, sure, any actuary worth his salt would strongly disagree with that statement. But, I’m ok with that. The natural fuzziness of my internal compass is no longer a source of anxiety. Instead, its a call to action! A call to focus on the journey and the process.
With that new focus, I can take comfort in the idea that I’ll always be setting new goals and charting new paths, while the endpoint continues to be just beyond the horizon.
