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Month: October 2020

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by Adam

I am pleased to introduce Lydia’s post and her inaugural appearance on the blog. I was lucky enough to have the chance to talk through this post with her: her experience, her ideas, and the way she translated both into writing. I appreciate her contribution to the blog for two reasons in particular. One, because it portrays a highly relatable set of circumstances which many, many others have no doubt experienced (although, often not verbalized, much less written about!). Second, and perhaps not unrelated to the first point, Lydia’s writing is very authentic. I’m sure you’ll agree, and I hope you derive some value from this post!


Now, who is this “Lydia” person, anyway? Well, Lydia graduated from Oklahoma Christian University in 2018. Since then, she’s become a CPA and is working as a senior auditor for BKD in Oklahoma City.

by Lydia Harlow

Like many, I struggled with the transition that occurred after attending four years at a university and shifting into the “real world,” as people tend to say. For me, this transition came with the stereotypical responsibilities associated with becoming an adult, such as paying bills, beginning a new full-time job, and other generic characteristics and events that people generally associate with growing up. There were several characteristics of this change that were less tangible as well.  I found myself struggling more than I believe the average young adult tends to struggle. It took time to gain a foothold on my new lifestyle, and I faced some unseen challenges that proved difficult to overcome. I’ll share my experience here, in hopes that someone reading this can relate to, and learn from, my story. I hope to be able to give some advice to those of you who are going through, or will soon be going through, this same transition.

I truly enjoyed my college experience. I know a lot of people tend to have a positive association with this time in their life, but I would dare to say that I appreciated those four years more than most. I was blessed enough to attend a school that I loved, a place that upheld values I hold in  my personal life.  College also gave me some of my closest friends that I plan to maintain a long-term relationship with. I had professors who helped me not only succeed as a student, but who truly wanted me to succeed in my personal life and spiritual relationship as well. I was able to get plugged in quickly with a college ministry that I loved, to be heavily involved with the social service club I chose to join, and participate in a multitude of other activities and leadership opportunities that made those years pivotal to my growth. Those four years were fundamental in developing me into who I am today, and it was the opportunities I was given and the people that I encountered that made it so.

Coming from the emotionally positive backdrop of my college years, my transition into the subsequent stage of my life proved challenging. I had associated so much of my personal growth with the place that I had cherished for the last several years. I had no idea what truly was to come as I opened the door (or more accurately, as I was pushed through the door), to my new beginning. Uncertainty, a full-time job, and departure from people I loved loomed in my path as I closed one door and peered through another. I was lost. I had known my place for the last four years; I knew where I fit. Suddenly, I was placed in a completely foreign situation with no identification of where my “place” was. Before this change, I knew what I needed to do to succeed. In class, I knew what was expected of me as a student and as a leader in various circumstances. Now, I was entering a situation where answers came less easily, and where my lack of experience made navigation more challenging. The future was unknown. At the beginning of this transition I struggled to gain a foothold, much less find ways to begin to thrive.

Fast forward to today. While I wish I could tell you that suddenly it clicked--that I woke up one day knowing exactly how to succeed in my new normal--that was not the case. There was a lot of trial and error, a lot of self-reflection, and a boatload of learning to admit that it was okay to not have my life completely together. However, over the last few years I have identified a few key areas that helped me gain a foothold and allowed me to begin to cultivate my growth as a professional, as well as aid in my continued evolution as an individual. 

First and most foremost, I learned to reassess my situation and stop comparing myself to others. Everyone’s journey is different, and yours certainly will not look the same as your coworker or your best friend. You will face your own challenges and struggles as you navigate this transition and other pivotal changes. Instead of looking at how I stacked up to my peers, I learned to celebrate my own personal victories and learn from my failures (and trust me, I’ve had plenty).

Second, and equally as important, I began to understand that I had power over my mindset. I could choose to have a positive attitude, I could choose to do my best today. Realizing that I had power over not only my future, but also current situations, was a game-changer. While planning for the future is a good thing, and something that you should certainly do to an extent, the steps that you take each day and the attitude you choose are a factor in what will transpire. You may not view each individual day as a success, but realizing that you truly do have power over aspects in your day-to-day life is a key factor in navigating the unknown.

The third aspect that assisted me in my transition was to surround myself with a supportive network of trusted mentors and peers that helped me navigate uncertain times. I’ve learned that it’s important to have a variety of individuals that I trust that balance both advice and guidance as well as allowing me to tread my own path. Realizing that I did not have to navigate the transition alone was pivotal in my growth and continues to be an important factor in my personal and professional life today.

I’ll be the first to admit that certain days are still difficult – sometimes I don’t make a conscious effort in establishing a constructive mindset, and some days it’s hard to see how a trying day can turn into a stepping stone in my long-term goals. However, through giving myself grace and doing my best to apply the factors described above, I’ve learned to fall into a rhythm and embrace the lifestyle that I now call normal. I hope that as you’re entering a similar transitional phase you can take something away from my experience, and see that there is beauty in the unknown and unlimited potential to develop yourself through a multitude of avenues and opportunities.

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This series of blog posts titled “Mentoring with Glenn” is a documentation of Kevin’s mentoring sessions with a young professional named Glenn Elmore. These mentoring meetings will utilize the topics that we are discussing in our ongoing blog: “Mentoring your Mission”.  Periodically, over the next several months, we will be providing a post covering each topic. You will certainly learn more about Glenn as the series progresses, but just for some initial background, Glenn graduated from University of Central Oklahoma (UCO) in 2017. Over the past three years he has been an Admissions Counselor (recruiter) for both UCO and OC, where he currently works. 

This post documents our first meeting to begin a discussion on “Self Awareness”, specifically his self-confidence.

by Kevin

Mentoring tips found within this post:

  • Meet in a relaxed setting (I prefer coffee shops);
  • Start with an explanation of the purpose and expectations of the mentoring relationship;
  • As you discuss each topic, explain why it is important to you, the mentor;
  • Make sure you agree on the definition of key terms;
  • Take good notes so you can provide a summary of the conversation before you finish;
  • Set up the next meeting. 

I was excited to sit down with Glenn to begin the process of “mentoring your mission”. After ordering a couple cups of coffee, I explained to Glenn that over the next 10 meetings we will be following a mentoring program to help him build a solid foundation of success, narrow the direction for his life, identify the steps to achieve it, promote his best qualities, giving back to the community, and establish himself as a continued learner.  

After the initial explanation of our mentorship, I introduced the first topic: self-awareness. I began with a quote from John Maxwell which, as I described to Glenn, captures the essence of this area. John Maxwell stated, “You have to know yourself to grow yourself”. I then explained that during this initial discussion we will assess his self-image, his awareness of key areas impacting his relationship with others, and his strengths and weaknesses. Increasing his self awareness will allow his growth to be continuously aligned with his “strength zone,” helping push him towards his maximum potential. I went on to clarify that the more he can work within his strength zone, the more his confidence will build (momentum), which I believe is a necessity for sustained and prolonged development.

We then dove in deeper to understand why I believe confidence is such an important foundation of his growth. I articulated to Glenn that I personally rely on confidence to provide the mechanism to drive myself forward in order to recognize and explore new opportunities. I then transitioned the conversation back to Glenn by asking him: how do you define  confidence? Glenn replied that he would define confidence as “believing you have the ability to do the things you need to do and doing them well.” It was helpful for me to determine that we have defined confidence in a similar manner.

I then urged Glenn to reflect on his own confidence and how he would currently measure it. Glenn thought his confidence has varied throughout his life, but naturally his confidence is lower when he is in a new position, or circumstance, he is not familiar with. For example, the transition from college to professional life had lowered his confidence. However, after two years of post-graduate employment his confidence is starting to build as he is performing at a higher level at work and has a better understanding of the expectations of him. He admitted that he is least confident when he doesn’t know what he is doing, or when instructions (or expectations) haven’t been communicated clearly to him. 

When he was a college student he assumed he would know everything that is required of him but soon realized that assumption was not accurate as he began adjusting to a forty-hour work week. This realization and adjustment negatively impacted his confidence. However, Glenn’s ability to discuss this transition with others has been helpful as it aided with this “post grad identity crisis” as he labeled it. Glenn said it has helped by having discussions with others who have recently completed this transition with similar experiences but overcame this crisis. Glenn received good advice when he was told “you shouldn’t expect to know everything”, which he found quite comforting. I concurred with that counsel.

Next, we transitioned into how Glenn sees himself in relation to high performers and how that might impact his self-confidence. Glenn admitted to a strong desire to be the “best”, so we explored what it actually means to Glenn to be the best. Glenn acknowledged that he is very competitive by nature (reverting to sports-like tendencies) and is inclined to measure himself in comparison to other people. He maintains high expectations in relation to his peers. He wants to win--realizing that historically that meant defeating opponents--but he is now starting to understand how that might be destructive in his current circumstances and relationships within the working world. Consequently, we reframed what being the best--or winning--really means. 

So, what is winning for a young professional like Glenn? We redefined winning in terms of being the best at what he, Glenn, can be, and not measured by outperforming his peers or their accomplishments. Although he shouldn’t eradicate his sense of competitive drive, he should try to redirect that drive into a competition with himself, to push himself to be better each day, primarily measured by his service to others, not defeating others. We discussed focusing less on the success of others but more on his own abilities and measuring himself to his own potential. I expounded that if we rely on other people to determine our success, the other person controls our success versus governing it ourselves. Instead we should only use other people as motivation to improve ourselves measured to our own potential.

Overall, Glenn believes that his confidence really builds momentum when he knows what is expected of him, focuses on his own strengths, and continues to discuss his experiences with others. Glenn currently assesses his confidence as relatively high as he feels like he is performing well at the tasks at hand and continues to learn new information. Glenn agrees that it is essential to be confident as he understands that a significant amount of his potential success stems from his confidence, or belief in himself.  We concluded that Glenn is performing at his best when he has the proper balance between confidence and humility, realizing he hasn’t arrived at where he wants to be but continually striving to push himself forward in alignment with his strengths. 

As we were wrapping up we set the date for our next meeting to discuss self awareness.

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by Kevin

Your competency may get you the job, but your character is how you keep it...and, more importantly, progress in it. In other words, “you are hired for competency, but fired for character”!

So, what is character? Character can be defined as the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. Not helpful? Well, maybe an exhaustive list of said qualities would do the job: integrity, honesty, loyalty, trustworthy, respectfulness, humility, compassion, fairness, forgiveness, authenticity, courage, generosity, perseverance, politeness, kindness, optimism, reliability, self-discipline, ambitious, encouraging, considerate, dependable, patience, grit, compassion, self-control, grateful, positive, proactive, hopeful, devoted, faithful, genuine...did that help?

How does your character compare to this list? Go through each quality...twice. Anything to add? Do you display these character attributes that will certainly catapult your career? If not, maybe I can offer some additional perspective. 

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: friends influence and determine the quality and direction of our lives? Seems bold, but is it true? 

If you have watched one of my favorite movies, “Meet the Parents”, you may be familiar with a catchy phrase: “circle of trust”. If you are not as big of a fan as Ben Stiller as I am, perhaps this will help. Why do Jack and I think this circle is so important? Well, I believe John Maxwell is correct when he said, “you become an average of the five people you spend the most time with”. You could say that these five make up your inner circle, or...circle of trust.

As you select your circle of trust, here are six qualities of a strong friendship you should keep in mind:

  1. Enjoyment: you never dread seeing this person
  2. Acceptance: the glue that holds the relationship together; you have a desire to stay
  3. Genuine concern: they are in it for you, the other person matters more than the friendship; “you” matter more than “us”
  4. Inspiration: makes you want to be a better person and reach your goals
  5. Accountability: they are willing to correct your behaviour
  6. Character: they enforce and uphold a majority of the aforementioned list of qualities

A true friend inspires you to be a better...well...you! So, think about your friends (aka inner circle) and assess whether they are bringing you up, or lowering you down? Ask yourself: if i spent all of my time with this person, would I be motivated to achieve all of my goals? Not just the career goals, but also your relationship, spiritual, financial, and health goals? A good influencer is concerned about the whole person.

I am a strong supporter of basketball: NBA, college, high school, middle school, and even elementary (hey, my son is in 5th grade). So, I am going to put this following exercise in terms that speak to a basketball fan like me. Who is in your starting five? Who is on your dream team? Write down each of the four people (you are also on this team, don’t forget). Yes, you can also have a “sixth man (woman)”. 

Think about each person. Do they exhibit strong character? Do they build you up? Do they motivate you to achieve all of your goals? If not, perhaps it is time to make a “trade”.  As Tony Robbins said, “if you want to be a millionaire, you need to hang around millionaires”.

The closer you are to achieving high character, the more likely you are to advance in your career...and life. It takes surrounding yourself with strong, positive influences to achieve this feat. Zig Ziglar once said, “all great failures are moral failures”. Don’t be a failure, build and protect your character! 

by Adam

This one hits home!  I’ve had a lot of friends in my life.  And, I don’t mean that in a humble-brag (or maybe not so humble-brag?) way!  I just mean that, I’ve been on this earth long enough now, lived in enough places, and passed through enough phases of life, that I’ve had a few different social settings, circles of friends, and friendships that have stuck (and not).  

The breadth of that experience makes me realize something that’s hard to articulate.  My first instinct is to articulate it this way:

Throughout my life, my closest friends have not always reflected my goals.  Now, I’m not saying I hung out with money-laundering cat-burglars or anything.  I’ve just definitely, definitely, had some friendships where the focus was somewhere shy of supporting each other’s mutual betterment, as we each may define it.

But, I think that’s a cop-out.  I don’t think its true to say that those relationships weren’t aligned with my stated goals.  And, that brings me to the more accurate way to articulate what I’m trying to say: sometimes my stated goals, the things I truly aspired to, weren’t aligned with the actual goals I was pursuing.  That fact was reflected in the way I spent my time, or the relationships I chose to invest in.

The way you spend your time, and the types of relationships you form, are as much a symptom of your goal attainment as they are a cause.  

In the same way it can be easy to slip into a suboptimal daily routine, it can be easy to gravitate towards relationships that scratch the itch of a more reflexive, and often undesirable, manifestation of who you are, or who you want to be.  

Because of my love for the sport, I’m tempted to try to carry Kevin’s NBA analogy even further (who is my Defensive Player of the Year?).  But, I’m going to show some restraint, leave his analogy unsoiled by my corny rambling, and just reiterate how important this topic really is!

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by Kevin

As you might read in my recap of meeting #1, Jackson High has an ambitious plan to begin a career in investment banking. Or, as I like to articulate it, Jackson is High on Investment banking (hopefully he is successful as I am hokey)!

In addition to the full post, I thought it might be useful to summarize mentoring tips that can be found within each post to provide ideas for mentors to consider for their mentees.

Mentoring Tips found within this post:

  • Help your mentee clearly articulate his/her purpose—or goal—with a mission statement;
  • Identify mentee’s strengths and weaknesses, preferably with the use of a third party;
  • Allow your mentee to access your personal network and help him/her develop appropriate questions;
  • Gather feedback from your mentee to ensure expectations continue to be properly aligned.

My next mentoring meeting with Jackson focused on an action plan—or strategy—to delve into the world of investment banking. First, we felt that we should understand and define Jackson’s ultimate mission statement for these next few years to add clarity and purpose to this process. In addition, I wanted to identify Jackson’s strengths and weaknesses, so we could develop his weaknesses—if necessary—and promote his strengths.

In order to articulate a clear mission statement, we focused on Jackson’s roles and goals. After a series of back and forth questions about Jackson’s desires, we came up with the following mission statement to serve as our guide:

“I am a Finance student whose discipline, motivation, and collaborative mindset allows me to leverage the collective contributions of those around me into value for the organization as a whole. I aim to accomplish this by fully applying myself, by learning from those who have gone before me, and by emulating the virtues of the highest caliber of companies”.

I know I am inspired, as is Jackson!

Next we discussed his strengths and weaknesses in more detail. Jackson utilized a current trusted relationship to get feedback on his abilities, which I recommend for all mentees. Based on this feedback, as well as introspection on his accomplishments, we concluded that Jackson’s primary strengths are analytical/Insightful, work ethic, consistency and his weaknesses are work/life balance, lack of sensitivity, and overconfidence (at times). After discussing these in more detail, we felt like his strengths would fit nicely with our perception and observation of investment bankers. We also discussed some tools for overcoming his weaknesses, which were inserted into his mission statement as a mechanism for improvement, clarity and focus. 

The obvious next step to learning more about investment banking—we believed—was to meet with “real” investment bankers.  Thankfully, due to my current role at a commercial bank, I interact with many investment bankers on a regular basis. I have discovered that investment bankers, by their very nature, are gifted at building relationships...so leveraging these current relationships made sense, I surmised. Jackson and I discussed these relationships and determined that we would begin our meetings with two professionals: the first currently works at Goldman Sachs and the other began his career with Goldman Sachs but is now managing an investment fund. However, we discussed several more investment bankers we would meet with subsequent to our initial meetings, such as KBW, Piper Sandler, Infinity Capital Partners, Commerce Street, DA Davidson, JP Morgan, and others.

We then discussed questions we would ask each of these professionals, such as: how to obtain an internship, is it worthwhile to attend grad school or law school, advice on the recruiting process, how to make an introduction from a non-target school, what it takes to succeed as an investment banker, what is a desired GPA, advice for interviewing, and more. Ideally, we would have more questions than time allowed with each person. 

I concluded the meeting by committing to set up the meetings with each of the professionals previously mentioned. I want to finish this post by sharing a comment that Jackson passed along to me—as the mentor—that I believe will be motivating to any mentors reading this blog. Jackson stated that, “this process has been a huge help so far. It’s so refreshing to get advice from someone with experience rather than someone who read an article online about resume creation.” I share that to encourage our mentors to continue meeting with young professionals. Your live interaction is valuable, and your experiences are worth sharing with the next generation. 

Stay tuned to hear about our first meetings with investment bankers....