by Kevin
If you are like me, you are curious what other people are saying about you when you are not in the room. I know, I know, my healthy self confidence tells me that perhaps it shouldn’t matter what they are saying about me, but still, i’m remain a bit...curious.
I actually think this curiosity is okay, because the conversation that is happening without you in the vicinity can be quite revealing. What’s that phrase...perception becomes reality? So, if there is going to be a conversation, and whatever is said becomes reality, why not take some initiative and influence that conversation to be a little more...favorable...to you? Yes, this is possible, so let me explain.
Warren Buffett once said that it takes 20 years to build a reputation and 5 minutes to ruin it. Not that you need a dimwit like me to support an opinion from the great Mr. Buffett, but he is so right...once again! So if you want the version of yourself twenty years from now to have a favorable reputation, why not start working on it today? It takes consistent action over a long period of time.
My background is business (accountant/CFO), so I really enjoy reading books about finance. One of my favorite authors is Harvard professor Michael Porter. Michael Porter has added many valuable insights into the business world, but one of these insights can be adopted for an individual--not just a corporation. It comes from his book on competition, which emphasizes the need to be unique. Michael Porter says that a good strategy is not to be the best, but rather to be unique and make a profit. What does this have to do with your reputation? You don’t need to make it your goal to be the best, you need to make your goal to be unlike anyone else in a particular area.
Let me give you an example of this. When I was beginning my career in public accounting, I wanted to find a path to launch my career. I could quickly see that just trying to be the best auditor was not going to be my best strategy to be unique--or stand out. There were too many people that were more technical, willing to work more hours, and didn’t mind traveling. However, I took some time to focus on my own strengths at that time. Based on this assessment, I realized that a couple of my key strengths were building new relationships and curiosity. Based on these combined strengths, I felt that I could build a network of prospects, primarily in banking, but also within other industries. This was a natural use of my strengths and created a reputation of a business developer. Over a few years, I developed a strong network and list of prospective clients for my firm--and a favorable reputation to boot!
Currently, I am building a reputation as a CFO mentor, in addition to other characteristics that I am consistently living, such as encourager, faithful, teacher, positive attitude and humor. By continually focusing on these traits and roles, I am continuing to build my reputation in my community.
So, the question for you is: what do you want to be known for? How can you be distinguished or unique? What roles do you want? What are they really saying about you in the next room...
by Adam
Alright--I’m game! I’ll take a shot at answering most of those questions you ended with, Kevin.
What do you want to be known for?
I’d like to be known as someone who is hard working, considerate of others, and consistent on both of those fronts. As Kevin mentioned above: “it takes 20 years to build a reputation and 5 minutes to ruin it.” So, I don’t aspire to be the person that can work hard sometimes. I don’t want to be the person that--on occasion, when convenient--takes other people and their feelings into account. For me, it’s about quality control in these two areas.
I’d imagine people in “the other room” (which I’ll get to in a minute) may say a lot of things about me:
“Adam is pretty stubborn sometimes.”
“At first the lame jokes were kind of funny, but jeeze… I mean… cool it, buddy”
Or even… “I told him a story about my kid, and he told me a story about...his dog? Does he know that dogs are not people people? What’s with this guy?”
However, I really hope they don’t say:
“That guy is only out for himself.”
“Where is the effort? Adam is one of the laziest people I know”
If I can avoid fair condemnation in those two areas, I’ll feel that I am appropriately defending the reputation that I’ve worked hard to build.
What roles do you want?
There are two generic roles that I feel that I thrive in, and are in alignment with my values.
First, I like solving problems. I like to be the person that someone comes to with difficult, intractable issues. Then, as if by magic (or more accurately, know-how and hard work), I make that problem disappear. For me, there’s not much more satisfying than seeing the gratitude of someone who thought they had a real humdinger on their hands, only to find out I could help them get to where they needed to be.
Like I said… there’s not much more satisfying than problem solving. But, for me, there is one thing that’s definitely more satisfying: teaching.
Shameless admission: I love learning. I’m the guy that really liked school, that would have stayed in college forever if you let me. There’s nothing more exciting than having the light bulb go off in your head, when you truly understand something that you hadn't before. Facilitating that for someone else, through teaching, is incredibly satisfying.
So, while I feel confident I can step up to the plate and do a wide range of things, teaching and problem solving are the things I want to do best. In my current professional role, I get to do both.
What are they really saying about you in the next room?
Now this… I just can’t answer. In a very literal sense, that’s because the “they” in the other room (as I write this) could only refer to my wife and dog. They’re watching TV. Or, more accurately, my wife is watching TV, and my dog is...busy thinking about whatever it is that dogs think about, I guess! And, importantly, I’m pretty sure they aren’t talking about me. Now, that’s not because my wife is above talking to our dog. Trust me: she does so on a daily basis. The hurdle there is...the dog doesn’t really talk back. Sure, you might get a puzzled look, a tilting of the head, or a commiseratory bark. But, cute at she is, that dog is a terrible conversationalist. So it would be difficult to imagine a situation where the two of them are having any sort of meaningful dialogue about me, positive or negative. Which, in some ways, is a relief!
But, not so fast… I know what Kevin is really saying here. It’s a metaphor! And, to be frank, I have no idea what the metaphorical “they” in the metaphorical “other room” are saying about me right now. Sure, I am also curious. But, when it gets right down to it...I don’t think I really care!
Now, that’s not because I don’t care about my reputation. I do! A lot! And, I do believe that, generally, the reputation I establish will drive a substantial amount of what gets said about me. But, not everything. And, not with everyone. Certainly, not all the time.
So, to try to tie all of those thoughts into a finale: it is paramount to me that I live a life consistent with the reputation I intend to establish and protect. And, I have confidence that if I do so, that will translate into positive (by my definition) perceptions of me by others. Like Kevin, I’m also curious about what others think about me. But, I’m not too invested in what’s being said, right now, this very instant, in the other room.
Why? Because, part of this mentoring journey is seeking quality feedback from people you trust about your adherence to your self-proclaimed values, mission, and goals. If you’re true to that process, and diligent in walking the path you’ve laid out for yourself, you can be confident that you’re bending the arc of your personal history to conform to the road you want to travel. If that’s the case, you don’t need to be self-consciously stewing over what everyone else is thinking about you every second of every day. You can be confident that, because you were intentional, because you had the right end in mind, and because you're on a disciplined journey, you are doing all you can to make that “other room” conversation exactly what you want it to be.
So, no need to wiretap your friends phones, or place a listening device in your colleague’s office. Just follow this mentoring path we’ve laid out for you, and you’ll be well on your way to building the reputation required for your version of success--however you define it.