Author: Mentoring Your Mission

by Kevin

Our next guest article comes from Christian Stewart, Aeronautical Engineer Associate at Lockheed Martin. Christian began working at Lockheed full time in January of 2020 after graduating from Oklahoma Christian University with an Engineering degree. 

Christian is currently going through the mentoring program. During one of our conversations he mentioned something he termed, “the imposter syndrome.” Although the term was not something I had heard often, the symptoms certainly sounded familiar (negative self talk, feeling of unworthiness, etc). I asked Christian to describe this issue in more detail and provide a few tips that he has found helpful in dealing with this negativity.  I believe many other young professionals will relate to Christian’s experience and will find his advice worthwhile.

by Christian

In the spring of 2014, I found myself sitting in the office of the Dean of Admissions of my dream college. My mother had a friend that worked for the school that had kindly arranged a meeting with him to discuss the school, as it was my top choice at the time for my undergraduate engineering studies. At some point during the discussion, the topic of career fields came up, and the dean asked me if I had an idea of where I wanted to work after college. I told him that I really wanted to work for Lockheed Martin, as I had several good friends whose dads worked there. I had even had the opportunity to tour the Waterton Canyon facility a year earlier for the unveiling of a Mars spacecraft, so I was certainly intrigued and excited for the possibility of working there one day. The dean’s response is one I haven’t forgotten to this day, and it had an impact I didn’t fully understand until years later. He said, “Lockheed Martin takes the cream of the crop each year.” 

I highly doubt that the dean meant any ill intent with his statement, he was simply noting the highly competitive nature of positions at the company. But the second I heard that, I wrote myself off. There was no motivational bell that went off in my head that spurred me on towards getting really focused and giving my best effort towards getting a job at Lockheed. All that went through my head at that moment was a subtle, but unequivocal cementing of my identity as being not smart enough to get a job at Lockheed. 

Throughout high school and college, I struggled constantly with comparing myself to others in nearly every area of my life. High school is perhaps the best example of this. I went to a highly competitive public high school in Highlands Ranch, Colorado. It felt like a gauntlet of rankings everywhere I looked. I was good friends with the kid who finished 5th in our class out of 480, along with several others who finished school with above 4.00 GPA and 33-35’s on their ACT tests. I did perfectly fine for myself academically (I won’t share the numbers, as that would distract from my point here), but there was always an underlying assumption in my mind that I was not “one of the smart kids”. I accepted that I did well in school and even that I was smart, to a degree. But when it came to the 4.00 GPA/35 ACT students, I simply was not that student. I can distinctly remember multiple occasions when I would think to myself, “If I just tried I could be one of the smart kids.” This thought, ironically enough, was completely accurate. But every time I thought it, something within me rose up and smothered it, reminding me that I was not smart enough to be “one of them”. These constant comparisons became my identity, and it manifested itself empirically in my grades. In fact, I believe this negative self talk and constant comparison is the very reason that I did not attain the grades that I so desperately wanted. The comparing and negative self talk didn’t stop with academics, however. 

In the athletic realm, arguably the quintessential high school hierarchy, I was far from a standout performer. I tried out for the high school soccer team my freshman year, and I was cut. This was for good reason, as I was mediocre at best on the field. However, I rarely, if ever, took practice seriously enough to ever see significant improvement. If I look back and am honest with myself, soccer wasn’t really my biggest passion at the time. I was mostly doing it because my friends were trying out too, and I wanted to establish some sort of “identity” for myself as high school started up. I’ll come back and address how my perspective on practice/training has changed since those high school days. As with academics, though, I was not motivated to train and practice to improve and attempt to make the team the following year. I simply attributed my getting cut from the team to me not being good at soccer, and coupling that with a middling level of passion for the sport, I ended up never again trying out for the soccer team. (An aside: I did end up playing ultimate frisbee for my high school my senior year. It remains one of very few sports I think I have some level of natural talent for. I enjoy it greatly and it motivated me to train/practice and improve my skills. The summer after I graduated I was actually invited to play on my coaches summer league team, where we won the Denver city league season. Point of the aside: find what you enjoy doing, it will motivate you to practice and improve at it, which builds confidence, which builds motivation, etc.) 

I want to get briefly into some research that's been conducted on the power of negative thinking. Trevor Moawad is a leading peak performance coach, and has coached hundreds of top teams/players across multiple collegiate and professional sports. Here are some facts about negativity that he gave on a podcast episode I listened to recently: 1) Your increase in errors can go up by over 30%, 2) 83% of illnesses are facilitated, exacerbated, or started from negative thinking, 3) Consumption of negativity (news consumption) for 3 minutes is a 27% increase in the likelihood that we’ll say we had a terrible day. Those are some pretty crazy numbers. But even crazier...studies have shown that negative thoughts are 4-7x more powerful than their equivalent positive thought. In addition, thoughts that are spoken out loud are 10x more powerful than if we merely think them. When we couple these together, a frightening multiple emerges. A negative thought, when spoken out loud, is 40-70x more powerful than its equivalent positive thought. Perhaps the most infamous example of the power of a spoken negative thought comes from the 1986 World Series, which featured the Boston Red Sox and the New York Mets. The Red Sox were up 3-2 in the Series against the favored Mets, and Game 6 was tied after 9 innings. With two outs in the 10th inning, first baseman Bill Buckner rushed a routine ground ball hit towards him, causing the ball to roll off the side of his glove and into shallow right field. This allowed the winning run to score from second base, sending the Series to Game 7, which the Red Sox lost 8-5. This is one of the most infamous errors in World Series history, but not merely due to the botched ground ball. 19 days before Game 6, Buckner was interviewed by a Boston news station about the upcoming World Series. In the interview, he said the following: "The dreams are that you're gonna have a great series and win. The nightmares are that you're gonna let the winning run score on a ground ball through your legs. Those things happen, you know. I think a lot of it is just fate." Now, Bill Buckner foreshadowing that scenario didn’t invalidate the years of Major League experience he had under his belt. But by speaking it, he created a subconscious plant in his mind. These subconscious plants become a subtle part of our identities, sometimes lying undetected until a certain scenario arises. When Bill Buckner was faced with that ground ball, his mind reverted to that plant and he misplayed the ball, allowing it to roll past him and causing his team to lose the game. 

Looking back at my high school and college years, I realized that I had a consistent pattern of negative thinking that very likely had significant effects on my academic and athletic performances. They were subtle, repetitive sentiments that over time came to define my identity. Over the past year or so as I’ve begun my post-college adult life, I’ve (thankfully) realized that those thoughts are not what define me. One of the best examples I can share from my own life of breaking through negative subconscious plants is running. Through high school and college, I tried to get into running several different times, and the longest I ever held a consistent running routine was maybe 3 months. I had a long held belief that I was not built for running, and I wasn’t good at it. The reason I wasn’t good at running had nothing to do with me not being built for running, it was entirely due to the fact that I never stuck with running long enough to see significant improvement. This created a negative feedback loop every time I tried to get into running, because I would attribute it to me not being built for running, lose motivation, and then drop the habit. This year, however, I broke through that limiting belief. I set a huge goal for myself of running a sub-25 minute 5k (3.11 miles). I had originally set this goal in the summer of 2018, and it had fallen by the wayside a couple of times. I started running in March, and ran my first 5k of the year on April 10. My time: a 29:29. 13 weeks later, I finally achieved the sub-25 minute 5k with a time of 24:50. After breaking this long-sought after goal, I decided to continue on with my training, and I reset my goal to a sub-20 minute 5k. As I write this in mid-November, my current PR is 22:30. In 7 months, I’ve dropped 7 minutes off of my 5k time. I share this progress with you because it showcases what happens when you remove the negative mental barriers and focus all your energy on improving on something you’re passionate about. Through achieving the 25 minute 5k, and continuing to get closer to the 20 minute barrier, I have been able to prove to myself that my running performance has nothing to do with “being a runner” or not. That is not an identity that I was born with, it’s something that I have created for myself through action, learning, failure, re-learning, and more action. Each time I go out and run, I cast a vote towards my identity as a runner. This leads me to a key point: you’re not unworthy of your goals in life, you’re simply inexperienced. I got better at running by running...a lot. You can achieve whatever you’re passionate about, but it’s crucial to acknowledge the work that it will take to gain experience and confidence in that area of your life. Even more important, it is paramount to fall in love with the process of improving. When we get into a reductionist mindset and focus on our results, we can easily fall into the trap of defining ourselves based on our achievements. Our achievements are amazing, yes, but we are so much more than our achievements. We are the source of those achievements, so we should celebrate us, not simply what we achieve.

 This leads me to my final point. One of the foundational truths that I’ve been working very hard at accepting and believing is that worthiness is not something we can achieve. I mentioned at the beginning of this article that I felt unworthy to work at Lockheed Martin coming into college. I ended up interning there for three summers and getting a job working on the F-35 fighter jet program in January. I was elated to have gotten my dream job, until I started working, and the negative thoughts came rushing right back in. “Am I smart enough to be here?” “I don’t know as much as these other engineers know.” “I feel like a total imposter.” Here I was, at my dream job, and I still didn’t feel content or happy. I quickly realized that getting good at my job would take time, humility, constant curiosity, and hard work. There is no transcript, athletic accomplishment, dream job, relationship, or salary we can have that will suddenly check enough boxes for us to “be worthy”. Worthiness is something that we are all born with as created beings, an innate gift from God that is undeniable. So I implore you, acknowledge the gift of worthiness each and every day. From that foundation of worthiness and self-confidence, find your passions and pursue them. When you fail, acknowledge it as part of the process. If you’re not failing, you’re not setting big enough goals. Take the information from the failure, analyze it, and turn it into motivation and focus points going forward. As you gain more experience in your passions, you will gain confidence and skill, which will build motivation, which leads to learning how to improve, which leads to more confidence, and the cycle goes on. Fall in love with this moment and the process of learning and experiencing life to the fullest. 

By Adam

As mentioned in the last post, we’re beginning with the end on Jim’s mentorship journey.  Specifically, we’re focusing on Episode 1, Season 9 (New Guys). 

In this episode, we find out two things: 

1. Jim does have a destination in mind for his career; it’s a destination he’s been contemplating for a while
2. Jim has, thus far, not taken any real steps toward that destination (including articulating the seriousness of his ambitions to his wife)

I’ll let Pam and Jim’s dialogue set the scene for us:

Pam: “You had that interesting thing”

Jim: “Oh”

Pam: “Yes, Jim’s friend is starting a new company based on this idea that Jim had when they were back in college”

Jim: “It’s sports marketing, basically, but the athletes are partners”

Pam: “And he wanted Jim to be a partner too”

Jim: “In Philly, so it doesn’t really work for the family, but watch this guy make a billion dollars off my idea”

Pam: “He said if it takes off, her’s going to buy us a new car”

Jim: “An Altima or better”

Pam: “I don’t think anything’s going to change in our lives now.  Just, with work and two kids, nothing interestings gonna happen to us for a long, long time”

If you watch the scene, you can tell Jim is uncomfortable with that last statement from Pam.  That’s further reinforced later on, when Jim overhears a conversation between Angela (long time office-mate) and Pete (brand new intern).

Pete: “I want to start my own business, I want to be a millionaire, lots of things, travel, make the world a better place, earn an MBA at night”

Angela: “Have you taken any concrete steps?”

Pete: “Well I’m still just fitting in here, you know, getting used to the new job.  But, definitely on the agenda.”

We then cut to a scene of Jim reflecting on that conversation, which he overheard.  During that scene, we see a lightbulb go off for Jim:

Jim: “Oh, come on Pete!  Gah, that’s just sad.  If he doesn’t watch himself, he’s going to be here for years, doing nothing….wow, maybe Pete is the new Jim”

At the end of the episode, we get to hear one side of a telephone conversation that will set the tone for Jim’s story in the season, and the ultimate culmination of his career path in The Office.

Jim: “Hey man this is Halpert.  Did you go to the other guy yet?  Great, don’t.  I’m in.  Yeah, yup,  I’m all-in.”

And, with that, Jim dives in, head first, to pursue his true ambitions.

Now… that leaves us in an interesting spot from a mentorship perspective.  Does this episode showcase Jim’s budding ambitions to live a life (and pursue a career) consistent with his true (albeit only implicit) Mission Statement?  

Or, is this a cringeworthy example of the chaotic nature of a career path formed not by the definition and pursuit of goals, but by the emotions of the moment?  Is it a cautionary tale of the vulnerabilities created by a severe lack of self-reflection and self-awareness, as evidenced by Jim’s epiphany being foisted upon him by the dialogue of others?  Or, maybe worst of all, is Jim’s decision to take the leap without consultation with his wife (much less a good Board of advisors) evidence of a lapse in character?

Here’s my opinion: luckily for us (and our mentorship journey), it seems to be...all of the above!

On one hand, Jim’s bold move gives credibility to the authenticity of his journey.  On the other hand, the multiple foibles exhibited in his uneven, fitful pursuit of this goal provides many a cautionary tale.  

Oh, if only Jim had met Kevin (again, real-life Kevin, not Office Kevin).  Because, indirectly or directly (but, mostly directly), even a casual adherence to Kevin’s mentorship program could have helped Jim avoid much of the suffering that is to come over the rest of this final season of The Office.  

So, with that being said, here's the definitive mentorship take on this episode:

Jim should be commended for finally taking ownership of his career, and taking a step toward an outcome consistent with his mission statement.  But his lack of organization to that end is going to exact a heavy toll on him (and his marriage) in the episodes (and posts!) to come.  There’s a reason Kevin’s program starts with Self-Awareness!  We’re about to see the haphazard development of that aptitude in Jim play out in front of our eyes. 

by Adam

At the risk of wandering too far off topic, I want to begin our next post analyzing Jim’s career arc in The Office (television series) by drawing an analogy to Office Space (1999 cult-classic movie).  You may be aware of this movie.  Heck, you may have even watched it (which I do recommend).  

But, even if you haven’t watched it, the ideas and classic dialogue embedded in this movie have probably touched your life.  In might have happened in a way you noticed and remembered: ever heard someone use the now highly-popularized phrase “case of the Mondays”?  Other times, the allusions from this move sound so mundane that they may slip by your conscious awareness, like when Bill Burr used the iconic phrase “TPS report” (which is a euphemism for a largely useless, bureaucratic paperwork exercise) in The Mandalorian.

By the same token, many concepts from professional development literature have permeated culture.  Even if you’re not the kind of person that devours leadership and professional development books, there’s a good chance that ideas put forth in the seminal book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey have entered your thoughts, consciously or otherwise.

I want to call out one of those ideas.  Or, as Stephen Covey would call it, the second “habit” on his list for highly effective people: Begin with the end in mind.

Now, as I’ve stated in previous posts, Jim has not had the benefit of Kevin’s mentorship program.  As viewers progress through the seasons of the Office, it becomes obvious that Jim not only does not begin with the end in mind, but actively rejects the idea of proactively moving toward an end goal at all.  Acknowledging that his job at Dunder Mifflin is part of a “career” would require him to face his situation in a way he is clearly uncomfortable with.

In large part, that makes sense.  The producers of The Office weren’t trying to produce a narrative conducive to mentoring.  They need some element of suspense to keep the audience engaged...which would be tough to keep up if each character practiced methodical self-assessment and planning as Kevin advises.

So, I’m going to propose that we cheat, and stretch Covey’s idea a bit by using it to justify a non-chronological order for our posts.  Instead of following along Jim’s career path, from beginning to end, I’m going to jump to the end.  By unveiling his journey as it nears its endpoint, we’ll be better able to judge the actions he takes on his journey.  We need that context: without knowing where you want to go, how can you know if you’re making the right moves or not?  In the final season of The Office, we finally find out, in very clear terms, where Jim really wanted to go.

So, in our next post, we’ll jump all the way to Season 9, to see where Jim’s career ends up.  And, before we do, I have to give Kudos to The Office writers for keeping Jim’s arc realistic, and thus useful for our purposes.  While the antics of fellow officemates did get a little silly after almost 200 episodes (like Andy taking a multi-week trans-oceanic sailing trip on company time), Jim’s story remains strikingly grounded in reality.  While he ultimately reaches his professional goals, as he defines them, it’s not all rainbows and butterflies.  As we alluded to in our inaugural post, life is a journey.  There is no magical destination where pure bliss is attained, hard work is no longer required, and tough decisions are replaced by moralistically clear-cut paths forward.

So, with that being said, let's get started by beginning with the end in mind!

by Adam

As you know, we’ve decided to try something ambitious on this blog.  We’re applying our mentoring framework to the life of The Office character Jim Halpert. 

In deconstructing Jim, I was tempted to start at the very beginning.  After all, there’s something inherently logical about ordering things chronologically.  If nothing else, it relieves me from the burden of coming up with a rational alternative!

But, as I began the research (LOL) for these posts (does this make Netflix tax-deductible?), I realized there was only one starting place that made sense to me.

Season 2, Episode 3 - Office Olympics

In my opinion, this is the episode where we get the clearest inauguration of the beginning of Jim’s professional arc.

It starts innocently enough: the boss (Michael Scott) and his insufferable, brook-no-nonsense lackey (Dwight Schrute) are out for the day.  Suddenly, the façade of business melts away.  Jim, seeking to alleviate his boredom, plays some paper football with his co-workers.  Pam (who would obviously be a prime candidate for Jim’s board of advisors) offers an incisive take: “Every so often, Jim dies of boredom”

But, I’d argue that Jim doesn’t die of boredom.  And, it’s precisely what he does instead that makes this episode so interesting for our purposes.  Having played paper football, Jim’s mind careens into a grand vision for the day: he will host an “Office Olympics.”  

As always, hilarity ensues.  But, against that backdrop, Jim organizes (and solicits participation for) an elaborate office-wide competition.  He manages to get all of his colleagues emotionally invested in the outcome of a series of competitions based on games that, a mere 24 hours beforehand, weren’t so much as a figment of Jim’s imagination.  This took creativity, leadership, interpersonal skills, organization, and more.  But, most importantly, Jim did it because he wanted to do it.  He was driven to do it.  If he was lucky enough to have a mentoring relationship with Kevin (real life Kevin, not "The Office" Kevin), he might have realized his behavior harkened back to a topic Kevin had discussed with him at the very beginning: identifying your strengths.

“This can certainly be the most impactful assessment you can make of yourself.  It should be the primary tool to set you on a smooth sailing to success. However, you must spend the proper amount of time reflecting on this. I have found that many mentees quickly rush through this essential step (where’s the thrill?) and therefore miss out on starting their journey with full knowledge of their strengths. They don’t start their journey working within their strength zone. I mean, if you were only given two zones to choose from--strength or weakness--which would you choose?”

-Kevin from our post “In the Zone”

Now, unfortunately for Jim, he’s never met Kevin.  But the point remains true: intentionally or not, Jim is revealing his (very significant) strengths in this episode.  And, that’s apparent to at least one other person around him.

Again, Pam delivers an incisive statement: “The thing about Jim is when he’s excited about something like the Office Olympics he gets really into it and he does a really great job, but the problem with Jim is that he works here so, that hardly ever happens”

The truth is, Jim has a large strength zone.  He’s just not regularly operating within that zone at his job.  One way to frame this situation is: well, at least he’s making the best of a bad situation.  But another, more constructive way to frame the situation is: its incumbent upon Jim to alter his situation such that it allows him to maximally use his strengths and align his work with his goals.  Indeed, that is the ultimate arc of Jim’s professional story.

But, I’m revealing too much, too early!  There is plenty of ground to cover before we examine Jim reaching his full professional self-actualization.

In conclusion, I’d encourage you to do two things:

One: watch this episode of The Office.  It’s still on Netflix through the end of 2020!

Two: Think about these scenarios in your own life.  Maybe its not as dramatic (or funny) as Jim’s predicament, but, are you operating within your strength zone?  If not, what steps are you taking to change that?  Hopefully, you have not written off your destiny as subject to chance and the whims of the outside world!

by Adam

Have you ever watched a tv series and wished you could “live a day in the life” of those characters?  Or, somewhat similarly, have you ever seen a striking, perhaps eerie, resemblance between the situation portrayed on the screen, and situations you’ve encountered in your own life?

Well, you’re not alone.  

There are many series that intentionally stretch the boundaries of our imagined existence.  As I, a self-professed Star Wars fan nerd, typed that previous sentence, I was thinking about the intergalactic bounty hunters and force wielding heroes that inhabit the hit TV series The Mandalorian.

But, there are many more series that differentiate themselves, or even define themselves, by their relatability.  That relatability can span all walks of life.  Some focus on the dynamics of relationships between individuals of families.  Some, on familiar stages in a person's life (adolescence, teenage years, college, etc.).  For professional life, however, there is one TV series that stands alone, without equal, continuing its monopoly over the space long after the airing of its series finale.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, I am of course talking about The Office.

But… wait.  This is a mentor blog, right?  Did Kevin and Adam give up on that idea?  Are they shamelessly “pivoting” to a new concept like a cash-strapped start-up grasping for a one last lease on life?  Is this now…a pop-culture review blog?  

Easy now.  Deep breaths.  We have not given up on mentoring.  In fact, this post is a reflection of our doubling (tripling… quadrupling?) down.  

If you're already on board with this new series: go ahead and read the first post. If you still stand ready to be convinced, read on, and I'll make my case for the value of this exercise.

While a good chunk of The Office traffics in shock humor and face-palming moments, its true genius is the relatability of most of the characters and, indeed, most of the situations they encounter.  It’s not the punchlines that make the show what it is.  It’s the backdrop--the incredibly relatable backdrop--that set the punchlines up for success.

Here, let me prove it to you.  Which one of these videos is funnier?

This incredibly instructive and well-produced video on how to suspend things in jello.

OR

This classic scene from The Office

So what is it about that scene that makes it so funny?  Is it the arbitrary and ad-hoc dispute settlement by Michael (the boss)?  Is it the new guy (Ryan) trying to navigate the existing relationships in the office and “fit in?”  Is it Dwight (whose stapler was jello-ed) digging himself in deeper by failing to have a sense of humor?  Was it Jim knowing his colleagues so well, that he could anticipate these reactions, walking right up to the line of admonishment, but not crossing it?

It’s all of those things, and more.

But, why talk about it on the blog?  

Luckily, the same manner by which The Office generates the foundation for its humor, gives us an opportunity to “mentor” Jim.  By tying the show to a relatable professional background, The Office created a character with a professional arch that is interesting and instructive.

So, over a series of posts, we’ll be diving into the life, professional and personal, of Jim Halpert.  You may be skeptical now, but trust me: there are many lessons to be learned in this exercise...not just how to suspend things in jello.

This series of blog posts titled “Mentoring with Glenn” is a documentation of Kevin’s mentoring sessions with a young professional named Glenn Elmore. These mentoring meetings will utilize the topics that we are discussing in our ongoing blog: “Mentoring your Mission”.

by Kevin

Mentoring tips found within this post:

• Help mentee understand awareness by discuss key areas
• Ask mentee to utilized a trusted third party to assist with assessment
• Always challenge initial response to “dig deeper”
• Ask “Why” to find deeper meaning and understanding

Thankfully, Glenn returned for our next topic--always a good sign! After ordering our usual cups of coffee, Glenn and I continued the conversation with a new goal: assessing his self awareness within eight key areas.  I explained that if he rates highly in each of these areas it will undoubtedly elevate his potential and improve his relationships with others, which is critical to his success and reaching his potential.  

I asked Glenn to rate himself in each of these areas based on a 1-10 scale. A perfect 10 would represent that he is constantly assessing this area, continually challenging the results, always open to feedback (without becoming defensive), and regularly making the appropriate adjustments.

1. Emotional awareness (How he would respond or react emotionally to situations out of his control. For example, an unforseen traffic jam). Glenn said he would assess himself fairly high, perhaps a 7. At times, he does struggle in this area, especially in stressful situations. Very recently, as he was studying for an exam, he was feeling very stressed and conceded he was reacting negatively.  Glenn asked his wife: had she ever seen him stressed out like this before? She responded “yes, every couple of weeks”. This was certainly news to Glenn and made him realize that perhaps he has lacked some awareness in this area historically and it would be a good idea if he became more aware of his emotions.  I think Patricia is doing her part to raise his awareness in this area!
2. Historical awareness. (Is he aware of how the past, such as childhood experiences, impact current decision making. A good example is how parents thought of money and how that impacts his current feelings about money.) Glenn said his self-awareness in this area has really improved as he transitioned into college and marriage, which has forced him to challenge his beliefs that were instilled in him during childhood. Therefore, he would say this is also a 7, but was lower prior to his current circumstance. Prior to college/marriage he did not have many close influencers, such as a mentor, away from his parents who could challenge his worldviews. However, the more he reads and converses with people (who are not his parents) it allows him to become more aware of his preconceived notions. Glenn admitted that challenging his beliefs can feel a little like a betrayal to his past. Yet, this does not necessarily mean he disagrees with anything his parents told him to believe, but it allows him to develop his own beliefs. This sounds like progress to me.
3. Relational awareness. (Ability and understanding of connection with others. Ability to make friends and deeper relationships.) Glenn feels that this is one of his core strengths, so he would give himself an 8 in this area. He has always been relational and struggles with holding other people to his same relational standard. His default position is to always take responsibility and accept blame. Glenn tends to look at situations in terms of how to fix and not blame. He is a people pleaser by nature, which has its positives and negatives. He feels strongly that he can understand when a connection is made. He is continually searching for an area/topic to connect with others. He admits that conflict is an area of struggle, which led us to the next area of awareness.
4. Conflict style awareness. (How does he deal with conflict: either engage or lean out). This is an area that Glenn struggles with so he would give himself a lower rating, probably a 5. He typically avoids confrontation but he is becoming more self-aware about his tendency to avoid it. He gravitates toward a passive-aggressive response to conflict. Glenn knows that he will need to become more aware of his conflict avoidance especially as he transitions into marriage. He admitted he has a fear that conflict will tear down a relationship, but understands there are times when it would actually build it up. I had to tell Glenn that this is certainly an area of needed growth for him--hopefully that wasn’t more conflict than he could handle. He seemed to take it okay.
5. Posture awareness. (Awareness of body language such as eye contact, slouching that reveals a lack of interest or annoyance). Glenn said he is an 8, which suggests very high awareness.  Historically, this has not been an issue for Glenn. As the person sitting across from him for a meeting and a half, I could not disagree. He has been very attentive!
6. Tone awareness. (Are you loud, quiet, sarcastic, dismissive, uninterested without knowing it?).  As a typical people pleaser he is constantly aware of his tone since he is concerned about other people’s feelings in response to his communication. Glenn rated himself as an 8 in tone awareness. 
7. Motivation. (Do you know what drives you? Motivators can be items such as people pleasing, encouragement, pride, money, power, recognition? What reward is most attractive?) Glenn says his awareness is a 7 in this area as he knows what currently motivates him.  He is also constantly assessing what should motivate him. Currently, making people happy and being likeable serve as primary motivators to Glenn. Encouragement and affirmation, feedback (both positive and negative) is also very highly motivating to him. More recently, security has been a motivator, primarily financial (which then becomes a motivator). Moving forward, he believes his motivation should transition into more spiritual security as a motivator versus financial. Glenn also wants to transition his motivation into what he can do for others, not what he can get from others. 
8. Pride awareness. (Is he aware of his ego?) Glenn responded that pride has always been a concern to him. He constantly tries to find a balance between humility and confidence as he discussed in our prior conversation. Pride has historically concerned him as he feels it separates him from God. He rated himself as a 7. 

Overall, I feel that Glenn did an excellent job of assessing his awareness. I also gave him high marks by having discussions with his spouse: Patricia.

by Kevin

In our continuing mentoring series titled, “High on Investment Banking”, I am documenting an ongoing mentorship with Jackson High to hopefully provide some encouragement and action steps for your mentorships.

Mentoring Tips found within this post:

• Be proactive with setting up meetings within your network
• If possible, participate in the meeting to provide introductions and feedback
• Separately ask your contact for constructive criticism or advice. 
• Encourage mentee to send thank you notes
• Schedule a follow up meeting with your mentee to debrief.

Jackson and I followed our action plan to meet with two investment bankers--one currently working at Goldman Sachs and the other who began his career at Goldman Sach, yet is now managing an investment fund. I reached out to both of these individuals to schedule a zoom meeting that was convenient for all involved. 

Our first call was with Ricky Grant, Managing Director at Goldman Sachs, followed by a call with Blake Trippet, Chief Investment Officer at MetaFund. I participated on each of these calls, primarily to make the appropriate introductions but also to clarify any inquiries, if needed. It was also very helpful to observe the interaction between Jackson and these accomplished finance professionals. Ricky and Blake provided meaningful responses to Jackson’s questions and additional guidance and encouragement along the way. A few of my takeaways from these calls were as follows:

• Find a way to connect with recruiters on a personal basis
• Be persistent until you are successful
• Use LinkedIn to find connections
• Pursue JD or MBA if you desire to raise your profile
• Internships are still primary way to land full time jobs
• Find a champion or mentor for career development
• Be prepared to work hard with long hours

After the meetings were over, Jackson and I agreed that it would be appropriate to send thank you cards to Ricky and Blake.

In addition, I separately asked each of these professionals to provide me with feedback on the call, such as presentation style, content of his questions, or any other thoughts that might be helpful for Jackson’s development. Based on this request, the overall feedback I received was very positive, but also constructive. I set up a meeting with Jackson to pass these thoughts along.

Stay tuned for documentation of this debrief with Jackson...

by Kevin

Our post this week comes from Trevor Jones. As you may recall, Trevor is participating in a blog mentorship and--even better-- he is allowing us to post the interaction! This is the second homework assignment: self awareness. After reading our post titled How Well Do You Know...You?, Trevor provided his assessment of the eight areas of self awareness. In addition (as we suggested in the post), Trevor asked a close friend to provide an assessment for him. In Trevor’s case, he asked his girlfriend, Allee Pipes, to rank his self awareness in these areas from 1 (most aware) to 8 (least aware). 

If you would like to begin a blog mentorship as Trevor is demonstrating, please complete this form. 

by Adam

To keep you on your toes, we've got dual ratings systems going on here.

Trevor ranked his aptitude on several dimensions of self awareness on a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being poor, and 10 being good. For example, if Trevor were to give himself a "10" on "Relational," that would mean he perceives himself to do a great job interacting and connecting with others, among other things. So, remember, for Trevor's ranking: 10 is good, 1 is...less good!

Allee's assessment is on a different scale, and she's assessing a slightly different thing. Allee is not necessarily assessing Trevor's aptitude along these dimensions, but ranking his relative level of self-awareness along those dimensions. She's ordering the areas from 1 to 8, where 1 signifies the area with the highest level self awareness, and 8 signifies the lowest level. So, to the extent you think more self-awareness is good (and, we hope you do!), Allee's scale is running in the opposite direction of Trevor's.

So, what does that mean? Well, flipping my earlier example, say Trevor gave himself a "1" of 10 on "Relational," signifying he thinks he does relatively poorly on that that dimension. Then, Allee ranked that as "1." That might indicate Allee agrees: Trevor is accurate in his less-than-rosy self-assessment. Fortunately, and as you'll see below, that is not the case! Allee and Trevor seem to agree this is one of his strong suits.

Did you catch all that? Good! There won't be a test, so take a deep breath. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the post!

by Trevor

Emotional – Trevor’s Rank: 7/10,  Allee’s Rank: 3/8

I believe that I keep my emotions intact pretty well.  It is very rare that I get upset or angry, but when I do I wear my emotions on my sleeve and it is very hard to hide.  Typically there is an accumulation of many different things that make me upset, which I feel is a good thing, but when my bubble finally bursts it is immediate, not a gradual anger.  I try my best to not let things get to me and if they do I usually get over them rather quick.  I would rather focus on other people’s feelings and emotions in any scenario and try to keep my emotions in check so others do not feel obligated or feel the need to worry about mine.  I have described myself as relaxed and think that is a good descriptor in this area.  So, I will give myself a 7/10 because I go with the flow most of the time, but know I could work on my “outbursts” when they do occur.

Historical – Trevor’s Rank: 4/10,  Allee’s Rank: 7/8

The word adventurous is not a word that I would use to describe myself.  I would describe myself as someone that makes decisions based on the facts, and would rather listen to someone first in a conversation and analyze what was being said before I make any comments.  To me, that plays a big role in my historical evaluation.  I don’t like to go off of the path already laid before me, but would rather try different things to see if I could make or do something better.  In this day and age though, being the trendsetter or the brick layer could benefit you immensely.  For this section I give myself a 4/10 because I am a rational thinker and would rather base my decisions on the past compared to paving my own way.

Relational – Trevor’s Rank: 8/10,  Allee’s Rank: 1/8

Hopefully I am pretty aware of myself when I write on this topic, because I believe that this area is one of my strongest, if not my strongest out of the 8 listed.  I think being a good listener, and being able to rein in my emotions makes me a people person.  One of my passions is to help/mentor people, so I would hope that Relational is one of my highest ranking areas.  Now, I am 6’4” and rather large, so I can see how someone could think I was intimidating, but I feel that when someone gets to know me a little bit that they feel pretty comfortable around me rather quick.  I deal with a lot of different kinds of people between my full time job and the head reffing job that I have, and my ability to connect with all different kinds of people really helps in those situations.  For this area I will give myself an 8/10 because I believe it is one of my strongest sections, but could always be improved upon.

Confrontation – Trevor’s Rank: 7/10,  Allee’s Rank: 8/8

A lot of different factors play into this area, but I always try to listen first and then make my decisions on what to say or how to interact with someone that is not happy with me.  Since I feel as if I don’t get upset too often I think listening is imperative for me.  I have learned to listen to what others are feeling or their frustrations and the react to that specific concern or issue.  Now I believe all of that is good, but I am going to give myself a 7/10 for this area because there have been plenty of times where I should have leaned in more compared to the other person.  I think I have shied from leaning in during confrontation, because I know I am very hard headed, and don’t like to admit when I am wrong.

Posture – Trevor’s Rank: 5/10,  Allee’s Rank: 4/8

This area is difficult for me to assess because I feel as if I am a very inviting person and that I can connect with people easily, but I know that I can sometimes where my emotions on my sleeve.  If you know me, it can be very easy to tell when I am upset or frustrated just by my facial expressions but in general, I try and keep a smile on my face when interacting with others.  Eye contact for me is big factor in posture because if someone is not looking at you while interacting I feel as if it puts off the notion that they are uninterested.  I will give myself a 5/10 for this area because of the emotions I wear on my sleeves and the fact that I know my eyes can wonder frequently when interacting with somebody.

Tone – Trevor’s Rank: 3/10,  Allee’s Rank: 2/8

Tone is probably the section I can improve the most.  I like to listen and consume the entire situation before I make and comments or decisions, but once I make those decisions I don’t think about the delivery as much.  One of my biggest flaws, in my opinion is how sarcastic I am.  Whether it is to get a laugh out of someone or to prove a point, I think my sarcasm can be dangerous.  Now don’t get me wrong, sarcasm can bring some light to any situation, but finding the right time and manner to use that sarcasm can be difficult to figure out.  In my opinion I am very quick to speak, and should take more time to evaluate what I am going to say after I have taken time to evaluate the situation.  Could that be related to my stubbornness, I would think so.  I give myself a 3/10 on tone, but it is getting better as I try and work on it.

Motivation – Trevor’s Rank: 6/10,  Allee’s Rank: 5/8

I previously mentioned that one of my passions is to mentor people, and I think you can tie in the desire to help people into that as well.  I am not sure what the term for this would be but I am very motivated when it comes to assisting others.  Pushing my emotions and things I have to do to the side is my forte.  A good descriptor for me would be relaxed, when it comes to my own tasks and duties because I feel as if I will drop what I am doing in order to help someone else.  Now, I give myself a 6/10 for this area because I will still get my work done, but sometimes it is a little delayed.  I have a lot of goals and aspirations, but its always taking that first step that is the hardest for me.

Arrogance/Pride – Trevor’s Rank: 4/10,  Allee’s Rank: 6/8

I keep coming back to the fact that I have a very hard head, and tend to be stubborn in a lot of situations.  For me, its not a sense of proving that I am right, but not wanting to admit that I am wrong.  With that playing a big role in arrogance and pride, I think confidence plays a big role as well.  Now I know this isn’t an assessment of confidence so I will keep this section short, but my confidence waivers pretty frequently, so for this section I am going to give myself a 4/10.  There is a fine line between being arrogant and confident, and if I am being completely honest I toe that line too often.  I frequently am not as confident as I should be, and on the other hand I am too stubborn that it can come off as arrogant.  All in all I don’t look at myself and think, “Wow, I am full of pride.”  So I believe I could be better and I could be worse in this area.

by Kevin

Trevor, thanks again for continuing this example of a blog mentorship! I am very impressed with your ability to assess yourself. Hopefully you found the exercise useful for your development. I would like to point out a couple of observations I had after reading your response.

Your ability to get along with others is clearly one of your greatest strengths, as evidenced by your assessment, as well as Allee’s concurrence with your assessment by ranking it as your most aware area. Your desire to serve people (through mentoring and other activities) and listen to their concerns clearly enables a quick connection. Your height (“6’4’’ and rather large” your words not mine) may put you in a  position to look down on others, but your awareness allows you to build them up--creating an immediate connection. Continue to focus in this area of strength as you build your mission statement (the next homework assignment). You will find that this will allow you to make a difference as it utilizes a key strength of yours.  

However, confrontation seems to be an area of improvement for you. Although you gave yourself a 7, Allee ranked it as the least aware area. I realize you focus on listening and not reacting, but perhaps there are more times that you need to speak your mind, as you indicated when you said you should lean in more. I think Allee might agree. Personally, admitting I am wrong is not easy, but in my case, it is common. When you are wrong, everyone knows it, so you might as well admit it. Confrontation can be one of the most constructive ways to reconcile a relationship, as long as it is carried out with respect and appreciation for one another. 

Interestingly, the biggest disconnect you had with Allee was Tone. Allee ranked that second to the highest of the most aware area while you gave yourself a 3. I would be interested to discuss that with each of you, but perhaps you are delivering that sarcasm much better than you think?

Thanks again for submitting this homework assignment #2. I do believe you have a high degree of self awareness (i.e. relational, emotional, and motivation), but hopefully this exercise will help fine tune a few areas where you are not as aware (i.e. confrontation, historical, and pride). I am looking forward to the next assignment.

by Adam

I won’t add too much, because I think Kevin hit the nail on the head!  But, I do want to commend you, Trevor.  It takes a lot of humility, and an impressive level of introspection, to evaluate yourself on these dimensions and invite someone else into that evaluation.  But, you’ve taken it a step further!  You’ve put it all out there, allowing other prospective mentee’s and mentor’s reading this post, see behind the curtain, and understand what this exercise looks like in practice.  Of course, while this self-evaluation method is an important way to solicit feedback, you’re not being graded.  BUT...if you were…I think your engagement in this exercise should earn you some serious bonus points.