by Kevin
Your competency may get you the job, but your character is how you keep it...and, more importantly, progress in it. In other words, “you are hired for competency, but fired for character”!
So, what is character? Character can be defined as the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. Not helpful? Well, maybe an exhaustive list of said qualities would do the job: integrity, honesty, loyalty, trustworthy, respectfulness, humility, compassion, fairness, forgiveness, authenticity, courage, generosity, perseverance, politeness, kindness, optimism, reliability, self-discipline, ambitious, encouraging, considerate, dependable, patience, grit, compassion, self-control, grateful, positive, proactive, hopeful, devoted, faithful, genuine...did that help?
How does your character compare to this list? Go through each quality...twice. Anything to add? Do you display these character attributes that will certainly catapult your career? If not, maybe I can offer some additional perspective.
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: friends influence and determine the quality and direction of our lives? Seems bold, but is it true?
If you have watched one of my favorite movies, “Meet the Parents”, you may be familiar with a catchy phrase: “circle of trust”. If you are not as big of a fan as Ben Stiller as I am, perhaps this will help. Why do Jack and I think this circle is so important? Well, I believe John Maxwell is correct when he said, “you become an average of the five people you spend the most time with”. You could say that these five make up your inner circle, or...circle of trust.
As you select your circle of trust, here are six qualities of a strong friendship you should keep in mind:
- Enjoyment: you never dread seeing this person
- Acceptance: the glue that holds the relationship together; you have a desire to stay
- Genuine concern: they are in it for you, the other person matters more than the friendship; “you” matter more than “us”
- Inspiration: makes you want to be a better person and reach your goals
- Accountability: they are willing to correct your behaviour
- Character: they enforce and uphold a majority of the aforementioned list of qualities
A true friend inspires you to be a better...well...you! So, think about your friends (aka inner circle) and assess whether they are bringing you up, or lowering you down? Ask yourself: if i spent all of my time with this person, would I be motivated to achieve all of my goals? Not just the career goals, but also your relationship, spiritual, financial, and health goals? A good influencer is concerned about the whole person.
I am a strong supporter of basketball: NBA, college, high school, middle school, and even elementary (hey, my son is in 5th grade). So, I am going to put this following exercise in terms that speak to a basketball fan like me. Who is in your starting five? Who is on your dream team? Write down each of the four people (you are also on this team, don’t forget). Yes, you can also have a “sixth man (woman)”.
Think about each person. Do they exhibit strong character? Do they build you up? Do they motivate you to achieve all of your goals? If not, perhaps it is time to make a “trade”. As Tony Robbins said, “if you want to be a millionaire, you need to hang around millionaires”.
The closer you are to achieving high character, the more likely you are to advance in your career...and life. It takes surrounding yourself with strong, positive influences to achieve this feat. Zig Ziglar once said, “all great failures are moral failures”. Don’t be a failure, build and protect your character!
by Adam
This one hits home! I’ve had a lot of friends in my life. And, I don’t mean that in a humble-brag (or maybe not so humble-brag?) way! I just mean that, I’ve been on this earth long enough now, lived in enough places, and passed through enough phases of life, that I’ve had a few different social settings, circles of friends, and friendships that have stuck (and not).
The breadth of that experience makes me realize something that’s hard to articulate. My first instinct is to articulate it this way:
Throughout my life, my closest friends have not always reflected my goals. Now, I’m not saying I hung out with money-laundering cat-burglars or anything. I’ve just definitely, definitely, had some friendships where the focus was somewhere shy of supporting each other’s mutual betterment, as we each may define it.
But, I think that’s a cop-out. I don’t think its true to say that those relationships weren’t aligned with my stated goals. And, that brings me to the more accurate way to articulate what I’m trying to say: sometimes my stated goals, the things I truly aspired to, weren’t aligned with the actual goals I was pursuing. That fact was reflected in the way I spent my time, or the relationships I chose to invest in.
The way you spend your time, and the types of relationships you form, are as much a symptom of your goal attainment as they are a cause.
In the same way it can be easy to slip into a suboptimal daily routine, it can be easy to gravitate towards relationships that scratch the itch of a more reflexive, and often undesirable, manifestation of who you are, or who you want to be.
Because of my love for the sport, I’m tempted to try to carry Kevin’s NBA analogy even further (who is my Defensive Player of the Year?). But, I’m going to show some restraint, leave his analogy unsoiled by my corny rambling, and just reiterate how important this topic really is!