By Kevin
Now that you have unmasked your mission (or maybe that is just “in process”), it is now time to generate your goals. This is absolutely my favorite topic and one that is probably the most challenging to write about. I love the exchange between Alice and the cat in the book, “Alice in Wonderland”. As Alice is trying to determine which path to take, she comes upon the Cat. The crafty Cat and the addled Alice have the following exchange:
“Cat: Where are you going?
Alice: Which way should I go?
Cat: That depends on where you are going.
Alice: I don’t know
Cat: Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”
This is a very unfortunate—yet common—dialogue (although maybe not exactly with a friendly feline) in our culture. It presents the problem of a lack of properly set goals and direction. Goals allow us to always be “knowing where we are ‘go-in’”. Goals give us an actual target to aim for. Without them, you are merely a weary wanderer...it doesn’t matter which path you choose or decision you make.
There are so many good books on goals and goal-setting, it is decidedly difficult to discover anything new in this world of goal-setting. But, after careful filtering through my thoughts on goals, I do believe that I have something new to add: balance.
Ahh, balance. Is there anything more important, yet difficult to obtain? When it comes to balance, there are so many questions that arise with so few answers: What is balance? Does it mean the same thing for you as it does for me? How do I obtain it? Did you obtain it? Can anyone obtain it? Why is it so elusive and why do we blame it on every job change? So...how can I help with this hopelessness?
I believe that we can know that we are truly achieving a balance in our lives if we are progressively realizing goals within each of these areas: health, spiritual, relationship, career, and financial. If you can define it, you can deliver it..with proper alignment! This is why it is so important to properly reflect on what you really want from all aspects of your life. What is your true heart's desire? That’s where you should intentionally say yes to spend your time...and learn to say no to anything else that is not aligned with your goals.
So, what areas of our lives should be considered for proper balance? I have carefully considered these most important areas of life and have narrowed it down to the aforementioned list. Through my incessant reading and conversations, I have constantly challenged whether these five areas truly capture the most important areas of life, and I have consistently come back to the same answer: yes, they do. Hopefully, you can take some comfort in that.
Now, in case you haven't read all of those goal setting books, let’s talk a little more about the benefits of goal setting, as I believe there are several:
- Motivation - goals are the starting blocks of motivation. They give us a reason to get going.
- Independence - goals help us take charge of our own lives. Instead of following the crowd or wandering through life (does Alice come to mind?), we choose our own path, that one that leads to the fulfillment of our ambitions.
- Direction - goals give us a destination. We’re far more likely to get someplace when we know where we’re going.
- Meaning - goals give us a sense of purpose. Life has more meaning when we’re clear on what we want. Instead of merely existing from one day to the next, our goals give us reasons to start really living.
- Enjoyment - goals are the antidote to the most dreaded social disease: boredom. How can you be bored when you’ve got exciting things to accomplish?
- Fulfillment - goals, more than anything else, help us reach our potential. Setting goals helps us see what’s possible. Each successful step toward attaining them builds confidence.
So, goals will help you know and achieve balance and provide an abundance of benefits. The next question you should be asking yourself is, “How do i properly set these goals”? Try using the SMART technique: specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely. Think short term and long term. Write your goals down. Review them regularly.
Lastly, goals have to start with a desire. You have to want it! So, what do you really want? As Napoleon Hill said, “The starting point of all achievement is DESIRE”.
Now, when the cat asks you where you are going, you can answer with certainty, clarity, and confidence. It just might be more than he needs to know.
Adam, how SMART are you??
by Adam
Oh dear… the bar just keeps getting higher and higher with this guy! First, he asks me about my purpose in life. Now, he’s expecting me to be SMART?
I guess, upon reflection, that isn’t TOO unreasonable of a request. But, if I’m being honest, there is one letter in that mnemonic that gives me the heebie-jeebies. In principle, I aspire to be SMART. But, often, I only achieve a resounding SMAT. And, let's be honest: as a word, sound, acronym, and mnemonic, SMAT is much less appealing than SMART
Yes, my shortcomings in adherence to the SMART technique often stem from a shortage of realistic expectations. It’s not that I sit around making outlandish goals all day: you’ve seen my mission statement, and it’s all meat and potatoes type stuff. But, I think this proves Kevin’s point.
If a lack of balance stems from a failure to achieve SMART goals, then the driving forces behind my goal-reaching failures are unrealistic expectations. So often, it seems there are more “good” things to do than time in the day to do them. The (easy? lazy? default?) approach to this conundrum would be to pay lip-service to certain goals, without taking the necessary steps to achieve them.
For example: it’s entirely unsurprising and uncontroversial to say you want to be a supportive and committed spouse, but quite another to set aside the time and energy to unequivocally be that spouse. It’s easy to devise a strategy to get in better physical shape, but quite another to still be hitting the treadmill 4 weeks into that plan. Many a human-being has espoused their commitment to a goal, getting that sweet endorphin rush from the imagineering of future accomplishment, only to unsurprisingly find other priorities crowd out the path to that once-upon-a-time imagined destination.
True to form, I may just be projecting my own baggage on you (yes, YOU!). But, I think this whole “realistic” expectations thing is much harder in practice than in theory. It makes complete sense that your goals should be confined to what is achievable. It’s patently obvious that devoting time and energy to one thing inherently leaves less time for others. But, in practice, it seems really hard to make trade offs. It can be so much easier to pretend those tradeoffs don’t exist.
Maybe there are superhumans out there that are able to wave a magic wand and create more time and energy for themselves (Kevin? Thoughts?). I can assure you, I am not one of them. So for me, balance is all about saying no to the right things. Sometimes, that means saying no to “good” things (like professional opportunities). Other times, that means saying no to “fun” things (like staying up late on a Sunday night). Sometimes, it even means having the discipline to say no to easy things that get in the way of substantial things (like watching just...one...more... episode…).
Kevin raised the bar to a 5-letter word (SMART). Am I just lowering it to a much less sophisticated 2-letter word?
NO! Or at least, that’s not my intention! I do my best to only use NO in service of SMART goals.
But, let me level with you: I have not mastered the art of no, and I do recognize its shortcomings. As humans, our lack of self-awareness often leads us to delude ourselves. Once you hop on the NO train, you may find it shockingly easy to repurpose your “NO”’s to justify the path of least resistance, even (and maybe especially) when that is not the path toward achieving your goals.
I should probably stop typing before I do permanent damage here. We’re still early in our mentoring journey; I’m worried I’ve just done the equivalent of handing a baseball bat to a drunk monkey. Sure, you could use that tool carefully and with discretion, but does that sound like the most likely outcome? It sure isn’t always the outcome for me.
Yes, I think I will end it there, not least because after reflecting on my need to stop, I proceeded to compare you (yes, YOU!) to a drunk monkey. Kevin? Can you bail me out here?
by Kevin
Adam, put down the bat...and the drinks! You may not be acting SMART, but I think we can still continue this journey. As you indicated, saying NO may not be SMART, but it is definitely wise. It is also very difficult when so many options seem worthwhile to the journey. Deciphering between them takes diligence, honesty, and commitment. Thanks for making this all important point of saying NO!