This series of blog posts titled “Mentoring with Glenn” is a documentation of Kevin’s mentoring sessions with a young professional named Glenn Elmore. These mentoring meetings will utilize the topics that we are discussing in our ongoing blog: “Mentoring your Mission”. Periodically, over the next several months, we will be providing a post covering each topic. You will certainly learn more about Glenn as the series progresses, but just for some initial background, Glenn graduated from University of Central Oklahoma (UCO) in 2017. Over the past three years he has been an Admissions Counselor (recruiter) for both UCO and OC, where he currently works.
This post documents our first meeting to begin a discussion on “Self Awareness”, specifically his self-confidence.
by Kevin
Mentoring tips found within this post:
- Meet in a relaxed setting (I prefer coffee shops);
- Start with an explanation of the purpose and expectations of the mentoring relationship;
- As you discuss each topic, explain why it is important to you, the mentor;
- Make sure you agree on the definition of key terms;
- Take good notes so you can provide a summary of the conversation before you finish;
- Set up the next meeting.
I was excited to sit down with Glenn to begin the process of “mentoring your mission”. After ordering a couple cups of coffee, I explained to Glenn that over the next 10 meetings we will be following a mentoring program to help him build a solid foundation of success, narrow the direction for his life, identify the steps to achieve it, promote his best qualities, giving back to the community, and establish himself as a continued learner.
After the initial explanation of our mentorship, I introduced the first topic: self-awareness. I began with a quote from John Maxwell which, as I described to Glenn, captures the essence of this area. John Maxwell stated, “You have to know yourself to grow yourself”. I then explained that during this initial discussion we will assess his self-image, his awareness of key areas impacting his relationship with others, and his strengths and weaknesses. Increasing his self awareness will allow his growth to be continuously aligned with his “strength zone,” helping push him towards his maximum potential. I went on to clarify that the more he can work within his strength zone, the more his confidence will build (momentum), which I believe is a necessity for sustained and prolonged development.
We then dove in deeper to understand why I believe confidence is such an important foundation of his growth. I articulated to Glenn that I personally rely on confidence to provide the mechanism to drive myself forward in order to recognize and explore new opportunities. I then transitioned the conversation back to Glenn by asking him: how do you define confidence? Glenn replied that he would define confidence as “believing you have the ability to do the things you need to do and doing them well.” It was helpful for me to determine that we have defined confidence in a similar manner.
I then urged Glenn to reflect on his own confidence and how he would currently measure it. Glenn thought his confidence has varied throughout his life, but naturally his confidence is lower when he is in a new position, or circumstance, he is not familiar with. For example, the transition from college to professional life had lowered his confidence. However, after two years of post-graduate employment his confidence is starting to build as he is performing at a higher level at work and has a better understanding of the expectations of him. He admitted that he is least confident when he doesn’t know what he is doing, or when instructions (or expectations) haven’t been communicated clearly to him.
When he was a college student he assumed he would know everything that is required of him but soon realized that assumption was not accurate as he began adjusting to a forty-hour work week. This realization and adjustment negatively impacted his confidence. However, Glenn’s ability to discuss this transition with others has been helpful as it aided with this “post grad identity crisis” as he labeled it. Glenn said it has helped by having discussions with others who have recently completed this transition with similar experiences but overcame this crisis. Glenn received good advice when he was told “you shouldn’t expect to know everything”, which he found quite comforting. I concurred with that counsel.
Next, we transitioned into how Glenn sees himself in relation to high performers and how that might impact his self-confidence. Glenn admitted to a strong desire to be the “best”, so we explored what it actually means to Glenn to be the best. Glenn acknowledged that he is very competitive by nature (reverting to sports-like tendencies) and is inclined to measure himself in comparison to other people. He maintains high expectations in relation to his peers. He wants to win--realizing that historically that meant defeating opponents--but he is now starting to understand how that might be destructive in his current circumstances and relationships within the working world. Consequently, we reframed what being the best--or winning--really means.
So, what is winning for a young professional like Glenn? We redefined winning in terms of being the best at what he, Glenn, can be, and not measured by outperforming his peers or their accomplishments. Although he shouldn’t eradicate his sense of competitive drive, he should try to redirect that drive into a competition with himself, to push himself to be better each day, primarily measured by his service to others, not defeating others. We discussed focusing less on the success of others but more on his own abilities and measuring himself to his own potential. I expounded that if we rely on other people to determine our success, the other person controls our success versus governing it ourselves. Instead we should only use other people as motivation to improve ourselves measured to our own potential.
Overall, Glenn believes that his confidence really builds momentum when he knows what is expected of him, focuses on his own strengths, and continues to discuss his experiences with others. Glenn currently assesses his confidence as relatively high as he feels like he is performing well at the tasks at hand and continues to learn new information. Glenn agrees that it is essential to be confident as he understands that a significant amount of his potential success stems from his confidence, or belief in himself. We concluded that Glenn is performing at his best when he has the proper balance between confidence and humility, realizing he hasn’t arrived at where he wants to be but continually striving to push himself forward in alignment with his strengths.
As we were wrapping up we set the date for our next meeting to discuss self awareness.