This series of blog posts titled “Mentoring with Glenn” is a documentation of Kevin’s mentoring sessions with a young professional named Glenn Elmore. These mentoring meetings will utilize the topics that we are discussing in our ongoing blog: “Mentoring your Mission”.
by Kevin
Mentoring tips found within this post:
- Help mentee understand awareness by discuss key areas
- Ask mentee to utilized a trusted third party to assist with assessment
- Always challenge initial response to “dig deeper”
- Ask “Why” to find deeper meaning and understanding
Thankfully, Glenn returned for our next topic--always a good sign! After ordering our usual cups of coffee, Glenn and I continued the conversation with a new goal: assessing his self awareness within eight key areas. I explained that if he rates highly in each of these areas it will undoubtedly elevate his potential and improve his relationships with others, which is critical to his success and reaching his potential.
I asked Glenn to rate himself in each of these areas based on a 1-10 scale. A perfect 10 would represent that he is constantly assessing this area, continually challenging the results, always open to feedback (without becoming defensive), and regularly making the appropriate adjustments.
- Emotional awareness (How he would respond or react emotionally to situations out of his control. For example, an unforseen traffic jam). Glenn said he would assess himself fairly high, perhaps a 7. At times, he does struggle in this area, especially in stressful situations. Very recently, as he was studying for an exam, he was feeling very stressed and conceded he was reacting negatively. Glenn asked his wife: had she ever seen him stressed out like this before? She responded “yes, every couple of weeks”. This was certainly news to Glenn and made him realize that perhaps he has lacked some awareness in this area historically and it would be a good idea if he became more aware of his emotions. I think Patricia is doing her part to raise his awareness in this area!
- Historical awareness. (Is he aware of how the past, such as childhood experiences, impact current decision making. A good example is how parents thought of money and how that impacts his current feelings about money.) Glenn said his self-awareness in this area has really improved as he transitioned into college and marriage, which has forced him to challenge his beliefs that were instilled in him during childhood. Therefore, he would say this is also a 7, but was lower prior to his current circumstance. Prior to college/marriage he did not have many close influencers, such as a mentor, away from his parents who could challenge his worldviews. However, the more he reads and converses with people (who are not his parents) it allows him to become more aware of his preconceived notions. Glenn admitted that challenging his beliefs can feel a little like a betrayal to his past. Yet, this does not necessarily mean he disagrees with anything his parents told him to believe, but it allows him to develop his own beliefs. This sounds like progress to me.
- Relational awareness. (Ability and understanding of connection with others. Ability to make friends and deeper relationships.) Glenn feels that this is one of his core strengths, so he would give himself an 8 in this area. He has always been relational and struggles with holding other people to his same relational standard. His default position is to always take responsibility and accept blame. Glenn tends to look at situations in terms of how to fix and not blame. He is a people pleaser by nature, which has its positives and negatives. He feels strongly that he can understand when a connection is made. He is continually searching for an area/topic to connect with others. He admits that conflict is an area of struggle, which led us to the next area of awareness.
- Conflict style awareness. (How does he deal with conflict: either engage or lean out). This is an area that Glenn struggles with so he would give himself a lower rating, probably a 5. He typically avoids confrontation but he is becoming more self-aware about his tendency to avoid it. He gravitates toward a passive-aggressive response to conflict. Glenn knows that he will need to become more aware of his conflict avoidance especially as he transitions into marriage. He admitted he has a fear that conflict will tear down a relationship, but understands there are times when it would actually build it up. I had to tell Glenn that this is certainly an area of needed growth for him--hopefully that wasn’t more conflict than he could handle. He seemed to take it okay.
- Posture awareness. (Awareness of body language such as eye contact, slouching that reveals a lack of interest or annoyance). Glenn said he is an 8, which suggests very high awareness. Historically, this has not been an issue for Glenn. As the person sitting across from him for a meeting and a half, I could not disagree. He has been very attentive!
- Tone awareness. (Are you loud, quiet, sarcastic, dismissive, uninterested without knowing it?). As a typical people pleaser he is constantly aware of his tone since he is concerned about other people’s feelings in response to his communication. Glenn rated himself as an 8 in tone awareness.
- Motivation. (Do you know what drives you? Motivators can be items such as people pleasing, encouragement, pride, money, power, recognition? What reward is most attractive?) Glenn says his awareness is a 7 in this area as he knows what currently motivates him. He is also constantly assessing what should motivate him. Currently, making people happy and being likeable serve as primary motivators to Glenn. Encouragement and affirmation, feedback (both positive and negative) is also very highly motivating to him. More recently, security has been a motivator, primarily financial (which then becomes a motivator). Moving forward, he believes his motivation should transition into more spiritual security as a motivator versus financial. Glenn also wants to transition his motivation into what he can do for others, not what he can get from others.
- Pride awareness. (Is he aware of his ego?) Glenn responded that pride has always been a concern to him. He constantly tries to find a balance between humility and confidence as he discussed in our prior conversation. Pride has historically concerned him as he feels it separates him from God. He rated himself as a 7.
Overall, I feel that Glenn did an excellent job of assessing his awareness. I also gave him high marks by having discussions with his spouse: Patricia.