by Kevin
Adam and I wanted to take a break from our regularly scheduled posts on the mentoring principles to demonstrate how a blog mentorship could be beneficial. Thankfully, a young professional, Trevor Jones, was willing to give it a try and agreed to let us post the interaction--thanks Trevor! Trevor is 25 years old and a recent college graduate sorting through the next steps of his career and life. Hopefully these posts will create some curiosity and inspire some interest from you to take the next step and begin a blog mentorship.
Essentially, if you are willing, the first step to the blog mentorship is to submit your confidence assessment. This will be done via email to kevin@mentoringyourmission.com and adam@mentoringyourmission.com. We will then lead you through the next steps as well as guide you to the appropriate blog post for additional context.
Once we receive each submission, Adam and I will provide our mentoring feedback to your submission, which we hope will be helpful to you. We will go at your pace and interest. And no, we will not post your assignments, unless we get your express e-permission. However, we do believe that posting your journey will encourage others on their journey--but no pressure!
by Trevor
For this assignment, I relate a lot to what Adam said in his first couple of sentences of “Know Thyself…” I am conflicted because I do not believe I have figured out the best way to assess myself. In my past experiences I have found that I tend to assess myself on either side of the spectrum; I am either too confident or not confident enough in myself. I think finding that middle ground of assessing yourself is a difficult thing to do, but I believe I have gotten better at it and understand the “roles” that I play more than I have ever before.
On the topic of confidence, I would say that I am feeling pretty confident where I am at currently. I have been at my current job, that I truly enjoy, for almost 10 months. My personal and professional relationships are going really well, at least from my perspective, and I was recently given the opportunity to step up into a new role at the flag football league I work for as a Head Referee. This new role is not my full time job, but something I have enjoyed doing since college and one day hope to get an opportunity to make something in this field of work my full time job.
Of the three areas I mentioned above, my current career path is where I am feeling most confident. While I was in college, I began working for BancFirst as a Teller in the drive thru and was there for 9 months before I graduated and decided to start job searching. Once I had graduated, I decided that leaving BancFirst to pursue a different opportunity was the best option for me, and it may have been at the time, but after working for 9 months in a different career path I was not happy, and needed to make a change. Lucky for me the same branch where I had been working before I graduated was hiring, and more specifically hiring for a position that I had looked at 9 months prior when I had decided to leave BancFirst. Now, I have been back with BancFirst for almost 10 months and I believe I have really started to hit my stride towards progressing my career. It is definitely a unique situation where I had left a specific career path to see what opportunities there were for me, and in the end I wound up right where I had started. I don’t know everything there is to know about my current position, but I go into every day looking to learn and progress in what I am doing.
I will try to wrap this up by answering some of the other questions that you prompted me with. You asked me to answer the questions, “When have you felt the most confident?” and, “When have you felt the least confident?” So, I am going to start with the question regarding when I was least confident because as I mentioned earlier I am conflicted on how I assess myself. My natural gut reaction is to answer about when I felt least confident because that is the time that stuck out most to me. During my sophomore year of college is when I believe I was the least confident. Going into that year, I had recently hung up my cleats, and decided to not play baseball anymore. And for me that was the hardest decision I had made in my life up to that point. I grew up playing baseball every chance that I got, from the time my parents could first sign me up. For 16 years I practiced, sweat, bled and cried countless times for the game of baseball. It was my first love and to give that up put me in a position where I didn’t know what to do. Along with that, I was going through a time that I didn’t know what I wanted to study while in college. I originally was going to get my degree in Sports Wellness and Recreation Management, but didn’t know if, or how good the opportunities would be if I got any with that degree. I had lost a lot of myself when I quit playing baseball, and adding this daunting thought of, “well, what am I going to do now” with my free time and my studies put me in a situation where I doubted myself a lot.
Now on the flip side of that, I believe that right now, at this present time is when I have felt most confident. You can refer to what I have said previously, but I don’t believe my outlook on life as a whole has ever really been this good. There are some really great opportunities in front of me right now, and there is still a lot of room for progress. But I can honestly say I haven’t been happier or more confident with where I am at, than at this moment. Sure there are things that happen and instances where outcomes aren’t what I want them to be, but I am a strong believer in the saying, “everything happens for a reason.” You can plan and plan all you want, but there is always that one little thing that throws your plans right out of the window. Now me saying that I am the most confident that I have ever been, does not mean that I am content where I am at, but in my eyes, there is no time like the present.
by Adam
Trevor! I may not be the most self-confident in assessing my own self-assessment, as I’ve mentioned in the past. But, unlike my assessment of my self-assessment, I can confidently assess that your self-assessment is...pretty profound!
For those keeping score, yes, I used some form of the word “assess” 6 times already.
There are two deep insights in your writing that stick out to me, and ultimately converge on the same underlying truth.
First, as it relates to your love of baseball, you mention “It was my first love and to give that up put me in a position where I didn’t know what to do.” Later on, in discussing your current career path, you say “You can plan and plan all you want, but there is always that one little thing that throws your plans right out of the window.”
That sounds like some grade-A wisdom to me! Life is unpredictable, and that unpredictability manifests in many ways. The circumstances of life forced an end to your baseball career before you were ready. The stress of an uncertain academic and professional journey (unhappily, but temporarily) filled that void. And, ultimately, a circuitous career path led you to find a confident, new beginning amongst the ashes of a chapter of life that you may have thought was permanently behind you.
I know the feeling! I was incredibly conflicted throughout college, and early on in my career. I also left the first company I worked for a “better” opportunity, only to find that returning a year later was the right move for me (and, it has worked out great!).
My gut reaction is to give two pieces of advice: one that I’m confident in giving, and the other that I’m only beginning to truly understand for myself.
The first piece of advice is just reiterating (and inviting you to reflect further on) the truth behind what you already know: life is unpredictable, and the best laid plans go awry. Knowing that--really internalizing it--can save you a lot of unnecessary stress and heartache. Each new day, week, and month brings a new set of circumstances. It’s exhausting and unproductive to try to white-knuckle through the experience, desperately attempting to force unfolding events to fit within a rigid, preconceived notion of how your life “should’ go. That’s not a knock on setting goals and planning ahead; it’s just a more realistic (and more productive?) invitation to embrace the uncertainty. Adapt to the new unexpected challenges (and opportunities) that life brings your way. Expect the unexpected! Maybe even embrace the unexpected.
But, where does that leave me? I still haven’t really addressed the underlying attack on self-confidence. In an uncertain world, where tomorrows (and their contents) aren’t promised today, what is an appropriate foundation for your self-confidence? Should you look for the one or two goals or activities that form the bedrock of your mission statement and life plans, anchoring yourself to those things alone? Should you spread your self-confidence out over a myriad of things, knowing that, like a well-diversified portfolio, surely everything won’t tank on you all at once?
I genuinely don’t have a great answer for that one. In my life, I tend to fall somewhere in between. There is no “one thing” that drives me forward; I have important sources of self-confidence in many areas of my life. But, I’d be lying if I pretended there weren’t a few areas much more important than the rest. For example, if I lost the love and support of my wife, no amount of “hey, but I am getting better at tennis,” is going to expeditiously pull my self-confidence through to the other side.
I guess I’ll leave you with a less profound thought. Your story reminds me of my own. The collegiate and early-career soul-searching, the abbreviated attempt at a new career path, and the satisfied return to a new opportunity at a familiar place.
So far, for me, that story continues to get better and better. In many ways, looking back on the uncertainty gives me confidence in my ability to adapt to whatever the future brings.
Once again… Trevor! Thank you for the deeply insightful words, and for sharing your journey with us!
by Kevin
Trevor, I really appreciate your very thoughtful analysis...especially since you are charting the course for a blog mentorship!
I think that it is very natural to feel like you are caught on a roller coaster between the highs and lows of confidence. That is just life--particularly life as a young professional. This is why I like to hear about the circumstances that led to each of these results. Some circumstances are harmful while others are helpful. The ideal outcome is to find a consistent, predictable and reliable source of self-confidence.
As you indicated, your confidence took a hit when your baseball career came to an end. This tells me that you were once connecting your self worth and identity to a specific performance or outcome which ultimately can’t be controlled. In your case it was in a sport that can be unpredictable, especially when it comes to injuries and long term career prospects. Honestly, this can easily happen to all of us if we tie our success to one specific role, company, or outcome. Some things in life will just always be outside of our control and we have to accept that. Therefore, tying your confidence to a narrow plan and specific outcome is not going to be reliable and will--most likely--end in disappointment. However, as you said, sometimes circumstances require an adjustment to your plan, which is why confidence is so vital to get us through those challenges!
Learning to find a healthier foundation of confidence is key to your comfort. At this stage in your life, you found this in your closest relationships, enjoyable hobbies, and a satisfying (and reliable) career path. You might notice that these are all areas where you can provide the appropriate level of input--or effort--and predictably achieve your desired results for growth. Yes, you can have a better marriage (or relationship) if you put in the effort...and it does take effort!
You are learning, growing and achieving, which builds confidence daily. Perhaps you will make a mistake (we all do), but did you learn from it? Your success may not come from a thirty year career with the same company, but you have the confidence to know there is another opportunity waiting for you if you are willing to put in the effort, learn, and be patient. My advice is to continue to focus on your strengths and interests, while being a continual learner. Eventually, you will start noticing your accomplishments (if you don’t, pause to reflect)...which will only add to your confidence. Ask yourself: did you, Trevor, do the best that you could do today?
This clarity and satisfaction, along with your supportive relationships will give you an appropriate and balanced level of self-confidence. In summary, it seems to me that you exhibit the appropriate amount of confidence at this stage in your life to achieve your next steps and continue your journey to success!