by Kevin
Our post this week comes from Trevor Jones. As you may recall, Trevor is participating in a blog mentorship and--even better-- he is allowing us to post the interaction! This is the second homework assignment: self awareness. After reading our post titled How Well Do You Know...You?, Trevor provided his assessment of the eight areas of self awareness. In addition (as we suggested in the post), Trevor asked a close friend to provide an assessment for him. In Trevor’s case, he asked his girlfriend, Allee Pipes, to rank his self awareness in these areas from 1 (most aware) to 8 (least aware).
If you would like to begin a blog mentorship as Trevor is demonstrating, please complete this form.
by Adam
To keep you on your toes, we've got dual ratings systems going on here.
Trevor ranked his aptitude on several dimensions of self awareness on a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being poor, and 10 being good. For example, if Trevor were to give himself a "10" on "Relational," that would mean he perceives himself to do a great job interacting and connecting with others, among other things. So, remember, for Trevor's ranking: 10 is good, 1 is...less good!
Allee's assessment is on a different scale, and she's assessing a slightly different thing. Allee is not necessarily assessing Trevor's aptitude along these dimensions, but ranking his relative level of self-awareness along those dimensions. She's ordering the areas from 1 to 8, where 1 signifies the area with the highest level self awareness, and 8 signifies the lowest level. So, to the extent you think more self-awareness is good (and, we hope you do!), Allee's scale is running in the opposite direction of Trevor's.
So, what does that mean? Well, flipping my earlier example, say Trevor gave himself a "1" of 10 on "Relational," signifying he thinks he does relatively poorly on that that dimension. Then, Allee ranked that as "1." That might indicate Allee agrees: Trevor is accurate in his less-than-rosy self-assessment. Fortunately, and as you'll see below, that is not the case! Allee and Trevor seem to agree this is one of his strong suits.
Did you catch all that? Good! There won't be a test, so take a deep breath. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the post!
by Trevor
Emotional – Trevor’s Rank: 7/10, Allee’s Rank: 3/8
I believe that I keep my emotions intact pretty well. It is very rare that I get upset or angry, but when I do I wear my emotions on my sleeve and it is very hard to hide. Typically there is an accumulation of many different things that make me upset, which I feel is a good thing, but when my bubble finally bursts it is immediate, not a gradual anger. I try my best to not let things get to me and if they do I usually get over them rather quick. I would rather focus on other people’s feelings and emotions in any scenario and try to keep my emotions in check so others do not feel obligated or feel the need to worry about mine. I have described myself as relaxed and think that is a good descriptor in this area. So, I will give myself a 7/10 because I go with the flow most of the time, but know I could work on my “outbursts” when they do occur.
Historical – Trevor’s Rank: 4/10, Allee’s Rank: 7/8
The word adventurous is not a word that I would use to describe myself. I would describe myself as someone that makes decisions based on the facts, and would rather listen to someone first in a conversation and analyze what was being said before I make any comments. To me, that plays a big role in my historical evaluation. I don’t like to go off of the path already laid before me, but would rather try different things to see if I could make or do something better. In this day and age though, being the trendsetter or the brick layer could benefit you immensely. For this section I give myself a 4/10 because I am a rational thinker and would rather base my decisions on the past compared to paving my own way.
Relational – Trevor’s Rank: 8/10, Allee’s Rank: 1/8
Hopefully I am pretty aware of myself when I write on this topic, because I believe that this area is one of my strongest, if not my strongest out of the 8 listed. I think being a good listener, and being able to rein in my emotions makes me a people person. One of my passions is to help/mentor people, so I would hope that Relational is one of my highest ranking areas. Now, I am 6’4” and rather large, so I can see how someone could think I was intimidating, but I feel that when someone gets to know me a little bit that they feel pretty comfortable around me rather quick. I deal with a lot of different kinds of people between my full time job and the head reffing job that I have, and my ability to connect with all different kinds of people really helps in those situations. For this area I will give myself an 8/10 because I believe it is one of my strongest sections, but could always be improved upon.
Confrontation – Trevor’s Rank: 7/10, Allee’s Rank: 8/8
A lot of different factors play into this area, but I always try to listen first and then make my decisions on what to say or how to interact with someone that is not happy with me. Since I feel as if I don’t get upset too often I think listening is imperative for me. I have learned to listen to what others are feeling or their frustrations and the react to that specific concern or issue. Now I believe all of that is good, but I am going to give myself a 7/10 for this area because there have been plenty of times where I should have leaned in more compared to the other person. I think I have shied from leaning in during confrontation, because I know I am very hard headed, and don’t like to admit when I am wrong.
Posture – Trevor’s Rank: 5/10, Allee’s Rank: 4/8
This area is difficult for me to assess because I feel as if I am a very inviting person and that I can connect with people easily, but I know that I can sometimes where my emotions on my sleeve. If you know me, it can be very easy to tell when I am upset or frustrated just by my facial expressions but in general, I try and keep a smile on my face when interacting with others. Eye contact for me is big factor in posture because if someone is not looking at you while interacting I feel as if it puts off the notion that they are uninterested. I will give myself a 5/10 for this area because of the emotions I wear on my sleeves and the fact that I know my eyes can wonder frequently when interacting with somebody.
Tone – Trevor’s Rank: 3/10, Allee’s Rank: 2/8
Tone is probably the section I can improve the most. I like to listen and consume the entire situation before I make and comments or decisions, but once I make those decisions I don’t think about the delivery as much. One of my biggest flaws, in my opinion is how sarcastic I am. Whether it is to get a laugh out of someone or to prove a point, I think my sarcasm can be dangerous. Now don’t get me wrong, sarcasm can bring some light to any situation, but finding the right time and manner to use that sarcasm can be difficult to figure out. In my opinion I am very quick to speak, and should take more time to evaluate what I am going to say after I have taken time to evaluate the situation. Could that be related to my stubbornness, I would think so. I give myself a 3/10 on tone, but it is getting better as I try and work on it.
Motivation – Trevor’s Rank: 6/10, Allee’s Rank: 5/8
I previously mentioned that one of my passions is to mentor people, and I think you can tie in the desire to help people into that as well. I am not sure what the term for this would be but I am very motivated when it comes to assisting others. Pushing my emotions and things I have to do to the side is my forte. A good descriptor for me would be relaxed, when it comes to my own tasks and duties because I feel as if I will drop what I am doing in order to help someone else. Now, I give myself a 6/10 for this area because I will still get my work done, but sometimes it is a little delayed. I have a lot of goals and aspirations, but its always taking that first step that is the hardest for me.
Arrogance/Pride – Trevor’s Rank: 4/10, Allee’s Rank: 6/8
I keep coming back to the fact that I have a very hard head, and tend to be stubborn in a lot of situations. For me, its not a sense of proving that I am right, but not wanting to admit that I am wrong. With that playing a big role in arrogance and pride, I think confidence plays a big role as well. Now I know this isn’t an assessment of confidence so I will keep this section short, but my confidence waivers pretty frequently, so for this section I am going to give myself a 4/10. There is a fine line between being arrogant and confident, and if I am being completely honest I toe that line too often. I frequently am not as confident as I should be, and on the other hand I am too stubborn that it can come off as arrogant. All in all I don’t look at myself and think, “Wow, I am full of pride.” So I believe I could be better and I could be worse in this area.
by Kevin
Trevor, thanks again for continuing this example of a blog mentorship! I am very impressed with your ability to assess yourself. Hopefully you found the exercise useful for your development. I would like to point out a couple of observations I had after reading your response.
Your ability to get along with others is clearly one of your greatest strengths, as evidenced by your assessment, as well as Allee’s concurrence with your assessment by ranking it as your most aware area. Your desire to serve people (through mentoring and other activities) and listen to their concerns clearly enables a quick connection. Your height (“6’4’’ and rather large” your words not mine) may put you in a position to look down on others, but your awareness allows you to build them up--creating an immediate connection. Continue to focus in this area of strength as you build your mission statement (the next homework assignment). You will find that this will allow you to make a difference as it utilizes a key strength of yours.
However, confrontation seems to be an area of improvement for you. Although you gave yourself a 7, Allee ranked it as the least aware area. I realize you focus on listening and not reacting, but perhaps there are more times that you need to speak your mind, as you indicated when you said you should lean in more. I think Allee might agree. Personally, admitting I am wrong is not easy, but in my case, it is common. When you are wrong, everyone knows it, so you might as well admit it. Confrontation can be one of the most constructive ways to reconcile a relationship, as long as it is carried out with respect and appreciation for one another.
Interestingly, the biggest disconnect you had with Allee was Tone. Allee ranked that second to the highest of the most aware area while you gave yourself a 3. I would be interested to discuss that with each of you, but perhaps you are delivering that sarcasm much better than you think?
Thanks again for submitting this homework assignment #2. I do believe you have a high degree of self awareness (i.e. relational, emotional, and motivation), but hopefully this exercise will help fine tune a few areas where you are not as aware (i.e. confrontation, historical, and pride). I am looking forward to the next assignment.
by Adam
I won’t add too much, because I think Kevin hit the nail on the head! But, I do want to commend you, Trevor. It takes a lot of humility, and an impressive level of introspection, to evaluate yourself on these dimensions and invite someone else into that evaluation. But, you’ve taken it a step further! You’ve put it all out there, allowing other prospective mentee’s and mentor’s reading this post, see behind the curtain, and understand what this exercise looks like in practice. Of course, while this self-evaluation method is an important way to solicit feedback, you’re not being graded. BUT...if you were…I think your engagement in this exercise should earn you some serious bonus points.